Monday, September 30, 2019

The Big Vape Debate

The news has been flooded with vape-related illnesses lately. The death toll ( last I checked ) was 13. I'm still a little skeptical to this scare-tactic that seems to have arisen, but let me point out a few articles that I find informative then.

Before I continue on, I've been a vaper for years. When vaping became somewhat popular, I decided to try it out. I used pens with low nicotine levels to help alleviate cigarette cravings. Now, these weren't Juuls or e-cigs ( which I did try at one point but found them to be too harsh ) but actual vape pens purchased at the local vape shops. With flavored "juice" to go in those pens. I knew that I would need to buy and replace coils to keep everything good and to prevent a burnt taste. And that my biggest decision was what flavor/size I wanted at the time. I've never had any issues with vaping in the many years I've been doing it aside from maybe vaping too much at once and getting pleurisy symptoms ( which resolved with some Aleve and slowing down ) 

The style of vape I use: the Aspire Breeze first generation.
So when the news started blaring with accounts of vaping killing people, I was astonished. I knew there wasn't much research done about vapes, but cigarettes have THOUSANDS of chemicals in them, so my thought was that it had to be better than smoking. 

Then it went crazy.

Hundreds of people were hospitalized with pneumonia or other lung troubles. "Popcorn lung" was the new term and the condition that was apparently caused by vaping. My doctor knows I vape; he's had no issues with my lungs.

As of September 27, TIME Magazine wrote an article about CDC's newest findings. It states that THC vaping could be behind these deaths. And that's not talking about regulated, legal marijuana vaping...that's referring to bootleg THC cartridges with "additives" to make the tanks look more full. A paragraph in the article states; "The CDC also said “Dank Vapes” appears to be the leader in a large class of counterfeit brands of vape cartridges with THC that have similar packaging and are easy to buy online and in stores." It sounds like people are going to the internet to save a few bucks and, instead, it's costing them their health and potentially their lives. 

The many types of Dank Vapes

But with all of this media coverage, it is now said that Trump is moving to ban flavored e-cigs/vaping, thus causing hundreds of thousands of people who left cigarettes behind to potentially go back to them. 
So then I think...are we moving to stop the sale of nicotine "juices" because cigarette sales are down? 

Sure, you can think that it's a conspiracy theory and dismiss the possibility. But doesn't it sound quite sudden? Hundreds of people are now "getting sick" from vaping when many have done it for going on a decade. Something is going on. Something is being added to the cartridges that the FDA hasn't approved and it's killing people. But since one thing hasn't been pinpointed as to the cause of the illnesses, we are now being urged not to vape anything. 

Medical marijuana growers have come out by the dozens with statements that their products are run through vigorous testing to ensure the safety of its users. But will it prevent patients from purchasing their medicine now?

Vaping was supposed to be a healthier alternative to smoking, and yet here we are. But what I don't want to see is a bunch of ex-smokers lighting up because of this vaping outbreak. 

I am eager to see more statistics and articles about exactly what is going on with the vaping community and the precise cause of this problem. Until then, though, I'm going to keep vaping. Because I'd rather that than go buy a pack of cigarettes...

Sunday, September 29, 2019


Some people see crying as a form of weakness, or the inability to cope. I see it as I'm frustrated beyond words and overwhelmed with emotions. These MAY include sadness, but they usually derive from frustration, anger, fear, and feelings of not being heard.

I've always been a crier; a "sensitive soul" that was never taken seriously because I'd cry when I was pissed. Even in my childhood, when I got angry--instead of yelling and making people mad--I'd cry instead. Because sometimes, all I really wanted to do was scream and throw the TV out the window.

I used crying as a way to get my point across without my angry emotions causing more chaos.

When you're mad or upset about something, you realize quickly that screaming escalates the issue. But since I wasn't really taught how to express my emotions calmly, I cry. I don't know why. Sometimes it's just the need to release all the pent-up feelings; and the relief causes me to cry. 

That's just me. 

Sure, my anxiety may have something to do with it...but even before anxiety became a major issue in my life, I cried a lot. But for people to look at me like I'm just having "an episode" is the worst feeling to have--because, I've always been a sensitive, emotional person. Not always sad emotion, just...emotion. 

When I'm nervous, fearful, shocked or very tired, I flush.

When I'm angry, confused, sad or frustrated, I cry.

That is just my body's natural reaction to those emotions. I try to keep it together, but sometimes it's hard. 

An article from Huffington Post describes why people tend to cry during ( relationship ) arguments, but stands true for other scenarios in life. 

The author writes:

From Stout’s experience working with couples, the crier is usually responding from an authentic place.
“Perhaps they are traumatized, even frightened by confrontation, and the tears are a product of their fear,” he said. “Perhaps they feel that arguments lead to abandonment and they cannot bear even the thought of that consequence and therefore express their fragility.”
While some criers may feel ashamed and weak over their emotional display, “others are healing themselves through tears if they’re supported correctly,” Stout said.

The rest of the article is a good read and can be found here wrote an article titled "The Surprising Truth About Crying at Work" that is also a recommended read. It explains how women feel worse after crying at work because they fear it makes them look weak and unable to deal with stress. One part reads:

"She feared that her emotions would undermine her professional authority, and that she would be perceived as incapable of handing her high-pressure job. Fortunately, more and more people (including employers) are realizing that crying is part of being human, and crying at work isn't an indictment of your professional abilities."

Research states that 41% of women have cried at work.

As a woman or a man, we are made to feel that expressing emotion is frowned upon and crying is definitely something you should keep to yourself. In my opinion, I feel that is the consensus because emotional vulnerability scares people since most don't know how to react in such situations. 

We cry out of empathy. We cry out of guilt. We cry out of sadness. We cry out of frustration. We cry out of angry. We cry out of pain. We cry out of resentment. We cry out of happiness, too!

So don't blame my coping mechanisms, my mental health or my gender. When I'm talking about something that's important to me and that means a lot to me, I'm gonna cry.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is me, and you either accept it and deal-or you don't and dismiss me. Just be glad I'm not flipping shit and taking names 😆



Saturday, September 28, 2019


It's been a while since I stopped getting my ipsy/Birchbox, and I was emailed a coupon code for the fall FabFitFun I took the leap. My first box only cost $25.99! ( with applicable state tax )

While I was hoping to score the straightener, they were all sold out =( But I did choose a few items that I wanted in my first box. You can opt to not choose anything and make it all a surprise, but I knew that some of the items I'd have no use for so I chose the best option for me. 

FFF offers 8-10 full-sized products in their box seasonally. It's $49.99 quarterly, or you can save $20 by purchasing an entire year in one shot. You can cancel at any time. 

I've been wanting to try this box for a long while now, but couldn't get myself to spend the money to do so. But since I had the 50% off coupon code and I just recently paid off my car, I thought why not? Then if I don't really like this first box, I can cancel before the second box is sent. 

Plus, it's always nice to get a little "surprise" in the mail every now and then.

If you'd like to sign up for FFF and ALSO get 50% off, you can follow my link here. This will get you the FALL box. The follow-up email states that all boxes are usually shipped out within a month of being purchased, so now I am eagerly awaiting my goodies!
This offer expires on October 14, 2019 to get $25 off with the link. Again, if you'd like to sign up for the discount my referral link is =)
Keep an eye out for a review coming soon!

Monday, September 23, 2019

Self-Reflection Time

My faults:

I dwell on things. I ruminate on ideals, other peoples' words/actions, conversations, memories--the nines. So much so that it affects my daily life. So much that it puts me in a horrible mood most days because I see the injustice and unfairness of this world; of my world. And no one does anything about it. And I surely don't have the authority to do anything about it. Sure, if I see someone being harassed on the street, I can stand up for that person and do something about it. But in most circumstances, I feel like I'm stuck--I'm just a bystander with no leg to stand on and my opinions and concerns are not validated. I over-think, I stew and it makes life really hard sometimes. And even when I do talk about my views, thoughts, feelings...they aren't taken seriously. So then it's a vicious cycle of "why do I even bother".

I hold grudges. Not because I want to, but because of my first paragraph. I dwell on the things people did to me. I dwell on the things people did to others. Especially if they hurt me emotionally. It takes a lot for me to forgive someone after doing something shitty to me. I've done it before, yes...for people I would've never really assumed I'd forgive. And other people I have blocked from my social media and my life. But also, I am intuitive. I listen to peoples words and body language. I take note of their "humor" and the things ( or people ) they like to discuss. I will cut someone out of my mind and life at the drop of a hat after observations start piecing together...because life is too short to surround yourself with bullies, idiots, lazy people and cruelty. 

I eat to cope. I wasn't taught healthy coping mechanisms, how to set boundaries, how to have a meaningful and deep relationship, and sometimes...I just didn't have food at home. So I use food as comfort. It's disgusting and pathetic, yes, but food is just as addictive as a drug. I can't eat a lot in a sitting, but I snack continuously throughout the day. My stomach pains are immense if I don't eat for a few hours. It's not as easy as just "not eating", although I wish it were. I was 130 lbs for many years, and then after an unexpected job loss due to outsourcing I used food as comfort. Plus, it was easier to get a $1 cheeseburger than it was to buy groceries. Looking back, I could've lived off Ramen or cheap foods but in the moment it was just convenient. So at this point I am fat because I'm sad, and sad because I'm fat. 

I have clinical anxiety and major depressive disorder. This doesn't help ANY of the above problems, only intensifies them. I've been on Lexapro, Zoloft, Ativan, Effexor and now Prozac. This has been an issue since high school. It runs in my mother's side of the family. It's not fun, at all. Some days I'm super pumped to go do things and then 2 hours later, I'm over it. I don't know what normal feels like anymore. I don't use it as an excuse or a's simply a fact. I steer clear of having people in my life that don't understand that, or make me feel bad for it. I do all the things one is supposed to do with such diagnoses: medicate, try to exercise, give myself positive affirmations, go to therapy and talk about my problems. I've learned to keep my mouth shut instead of spewing all of the negativity inside of my head all the time. 

I still give people too many chances. I'm not sure why exactly, but it probably has to do with survival, fear of being alone, and empathy. I had a friend who was very rotten to me for many years...later, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was rotten, too, as a defense...but she was rotten to me and everyone else. Maybe not to their faces, but as the "bestie" I knew the truth. But I kept letting it go on. I thought, "Being a frenemy causes less drama then being an enemy" so I continued to forgive her even when she didn't deserve it. In a nutshell, I didn't speak up for myself out of fear of rebuttal, and I didn't speak up for others as much as I should have. Having mental illness should not be an excuse to be a shitty person, and it's not. Bipolar or not, I can't forgive that. I don't hold a grudge but...I just can't. 

Along with those, I'm flaky, reserved, moody, sad, easily irritated, wishy-washy, sometimes mean ( not maliciousl, but "leave me the hell alone" mean ), argumentative, among other things.


My positive attributes:

I would do anything for anyone. Even if I didn't like you, if you called me in an emergency I would help you. That's just who I am. I've "come to the rescue" for a few people. And I'm not the type to keep bringing it up or reminding you that I did it. I feel like we as humans should give what we hope to receive. It's hard for me to trust people enough to rely on them to that extent, but I hope to God that if there was a dire emergency, I'd have someone to call to help me. I'm super self-sufficient but it's always good to know you have that type of support if it's necessary.

I think of other people before I think of myself. And this could be viewed as a fault, also. I'm always worried about how others are affected by things...even sometimes at the risk of my own happiness. For example, say I'm super sick and can't make it to work--automatically I feel bad because I know that Kyla will be doing double what she normally does. I know I can't help that and the situation is out of my control ( unless I go to work feeling like shit ) but I also know that it is not fair that I come in snotty and sore and 1 ) have to work under those conditions and 2 ) risk getting staff/patients sick. But that's me: I feel bad for doing things that are deemed "not okay" even if it's only once in a while. 

I have a strong work ethic. I contribute this to the fact that I grew up with little money. The fear of being "poor for the rest of my life" is scary enough to make me want to work hard. I take pride in the fact that I come to my job and put in 100% effort. I would rather keep to myself than contribute to people being lazy. I hate running around like a crazy person and seeing others dicking off, but I also like staying busy. Sometimes it's recognized, but usually it's taken for granted. But I do it. Because I'm a perfectionist--I strive to be the best at anything I do. It usually signs me up for things I never wanted, so that sucks...but it's who I am and I can't help it. As I get older, though, I get more sick and tired of "teamwork" and craving more independent tasks. I like being told "this is what you need to do" and then going on my own and doing it. 

I defend people now. If I know someone is being ragged on for unnecessary reason, I speak up. Of course I hold my tongue in certain situations where I may not have the authority to voice them, but when I can defend a defenseless or unknowing person I will. Because I'd hope people would do the same for me. I know in certain aspects of my life, I'm NOT defended behind my back. But at least I can sleep with a clean conscious knowing that I would do that for somebody else. 

We all have strengths and weaknesses that affect us everyday. Some days, we see more of our faults and other days our positive attributes shine like the sun. No human is perfect and we all have our downfalls. But the point is to recognize that you have them and make conscious efforts to silence them. As humans, we are constantly growing and evolving. The person you were a year ago may not be the same person you are today. You get fed up with things. You learn new things. You meet new people. You learn more about yourself and what you want/need. It's hard to be a perfect balance of good and bad, so some days will seem worse than others. The most important things from all of it though is PERSONAL GROWTH. To realize that you're worth more than what you accept sometimes. To realize that not all change is bad, even if it's scary. To realize that sometimes you have to make people uncomfortable to get your point across. 

To realize that this is your world and the only person who can control your thoughts and yourself. 

Tuesday, September 17, 2019


The other day, I made a Facebook status: "Unfortunately, there are stereotypes for a reason..." While most people who read it found humor/lightheartedness in it, someone got offended. 

So for the record, I want to say THAT NOT ALL STEREOTYPES ARE NEGATIVE OR DEROGATORY and my status was vague and not insinuating racism, sexism, ageism or bigotry. 

I'm sorry, but I feel like everything offends everyone anymore. It's quite ridiculous. People are so adamant about being "politically correct" that nothing can be said without rebuttal. Do not put words into my mouth or malicious intent into my heart--that's not your place. We are all people with our own thoughts and opinions and, I guess like diseases, they're best left unshared ( clearly ) Because if you make a vague statement, you will be bombarded with assumptions and accusations. What a world to live in!

It just really bothers me. The stereotype could've been something as dumb as "hygienists are ditzy" or something ridiculous like that; not at ALL referring to someone's ethnicity or background. But, of course, someone had to go there. 

I'm not going to sit here and make examples of negative stereotypes. But what I WILL say is this: I stand by my statement. Stereotypes aren't because one person did something, but because it's a pattern that has been seen. Like a stereotype my friend Kyle said; "Jews are really good cooks" ( hey, IDK if that's true...but what a POSITIVE stereotype! ) And then maybe a Jewish friend upon hearing that may say, "Clearly I didn't get that in my genes!" and we all get a giggle. Not everything has to be cruel! 

When did the world get so easily butthurt? I understand that racism and negative stereotypes are still an issue in this world...but shit. No one can say anything with another person getting pissy about it. Insinuating. Jumping to conclusions. It's utterly ridiculous.

Look at my own race! Did you ever hear of a black serial killer? No. They are all young/middle aged white men. White people are hooked on heroin more than any other ethnicity. White people steal children and lock them in basements for decades. White people persecute other races for no reason other than hate. When you see an older white man being friendly to a female, we automatically stereotype him as "creepy". Stereotypes affect all races, job titles, sexes, etc. But again, they don't always have to be negative.

I literally read a Facebook feed of people making stereotypes of white people. And the comments were filled with good humor and lightheartedness. People even remarked that they loved the post because "there was no hatred". It was all in good fun. And people took it that way.

Put a positive spin on it for a second:

Jews are really good with money. And they will be good with your money.

Asians really whip up some delicious, filling meals. Mama Zurick always had wonderful things to eat when they'd entertain us kids.

And yes, there are negative stereotypes. Due to patterns. Due to actions. Due to having two eyeballs that see. And two ears that hear. 

I will not sit here and say I don't have "white privilege" simply because I was born Caucasian...

But again, I stand by what I say. 

Monday, September 16, 2019

Hooooootie! Hooooootie!

The other weekend we went to see Hootie and The Blowfish with Barenaked Ladies as their opener! The show was FAN-TAST-IC!

...we also got pretty awesome seats: Section B, row we were, like, RIGHT in front of them but not so close we had to break our necks to see. 

Our seats ( with no zoom )

We got there super early because we wanted to avoid traffic. And since we both had off work that day, it worked out well. I think we showed up a little before 6 and the gates opened AT 6:00PM.

So we got a drink, got some t-shirts and found our seats.

The Barenaked Ladies did an awesome job starting the show. The lead singer is super funny and his fast-singing still rocks. They did a few songs from their new album and then some that you'd recognize ( Big Bang theme song, All Star ) Great way to kick it off.

Then Hootie came on. Darius Rucker looks like a totally different person, it's insane! They played some new stuff, and their classics like Hold My Hand and Let Her Cry. Plus they did Darius' newest song. We left after that to avoid the traffic. Of COURSE they played Wagonwheel as we were walking to the that made me sad. But it was so full there that we would've spent another hour trying to leave if we stayed until the end. 

We got home from Hershey at around 11:30...waaaaaaaay passed my bedtime.

It was a good show and I'm glad we went. But I definitely realize how old I am, haha! 

Friday, September 6, 2019

Work Ethics vs. Age Groups

They say that "my generation" is lazy. That we are privileged and don't know how to work for things; that we are sensitive and want special treatment. I beg to differ.

It's not a generational thing.

I know of many people my parents' age or older who would rather live off of disability compensation instead of work. 

I know people 10 years' my senior that state that "they've been doing this for so many years" ( whatever job I work at the time ) yet they are the ones avoiding work at all costs; playing on their cellphone, bullshitting with other coworkers, the nines.

And I know people my age or younger that are lazy AF and have no desire to put forth effort to be a good employee. Saying what they want, disappearing for long periods of time, etc.

Age does not discriminate against pure laziness.

I'm considered, apparently, a "millennial". I still don't know how or why, but I feel like if you were born in the 80's you are NOT a millennial. In either case, I've actually had my current boss make a comment about my work ethic being admirable amongst my peer group. Honestly, I feel my work ethic should be admirable PERIOD

I am compassionate, use logical thinking skills, can easily adapt/go with changes, think on my toes, I listen, I take criticism, I do what I'm told with little argument, I don't constantly gripe ( hell, I barely talk most days if I don't have to! ), I ( try to ) stay out of the drama, I only speak up when I feel I have to, I come in on time, I leave on time/don't "milk the clock", I'm almost ALWAYS doing something. 

Yet, age groups above me get praised for pretty much just showing up while I must "prove myself to others" at any job I get simply because of when I was born/how old I am. 

My biggest gripe, though, is preferential/unfair treatment. 

I don't care how old you are or how well liked you are...if you are dicking around, something should be said. I get chastised if I'm not proving myself worthy all. the. time. Don't feel like talking? I'm copping an attitude. Sitting down because I ran around like crazy all morning? I'm not doing my job. Checking my phone even when it's work related? I better get off my phone and start working. Yet, any other age group seems to get away with whatever. 

It is not my age that's a problem.

Just because I'm in my early 30's doesn't mean that I should have to be top of my game constantly just to PROVE something.

I know I work hard. I'm an asset to any job that I take pride in. I do my very best and try to be easy to work alongside. But I have eyes, people...I see when people are "taking it easy" while I'm running around like a crazy person. I see when people are on their phones and people just walk by, paying no mind ( then I do it and get an ear full for it ) I know when people twist my words to try to bury me because they love drama/hate everyone. 

Your age shouldn't dictate whether you are accountable for your actions or not. 

And age doesn't dictate whether you're just a shitty person or not. 

I take responsibility for pretty much everything I do. If I mess up, I say so. But being targeted because of the year of my birth is bullshit. Don't get mad at me for seeing injustice and unfairness and being mad about it. I have every right to be! Experience doesn't mean someone is good at what they do or how they do it. Having a personal relationship with someone doesn't mean they are a good worker. Being a nice person doesn't make you good at your job. 

"Well Jenn, life isn't fair..." Well everyone, that's a buncha shit. Don't play favorites, call it like you see it, treat everyone the same ( same consequences, same advantages ), don't be blatantly obvious when you DON'T treat people the same, refrain from being friends with your superior/inferior because it sways decision-making, and for fucks-sake admit when you mess up! Oh and the biggest one: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND DO YOUR OWN JOB.

I really don't see what's so hard about any of any age you choose to pinpoint. Your age/generation does not dictate who you are as a person, your goals or your attitude...only YOU do that. 

Just sayin'........

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

A Letter To Those Who Love Me

Dear ( insert name here ),

I want to apologize. 

I want to apologize for my down days, and when I don't feel "well" enough to do things like go out to lunch; or go to a cook out; or even leave my house. 

I want to apologize for seeming eager to do something on Friday and by Sunday, the mere thought of doing anything puts me in a tizzy. 

I'm sorry that minor inconveniences make me feel like it isn't worth it anymore. 

Or that a hour drive one way seems too much for me. 

I want to say I'm sorry for making you feel like you may not be worth it, when in reality it's just so hard to get out of bed some days.

I apologize for wanting to be active but just not having the emotional or physical energy to do so.

I'm sorry that I change my mind so easily, it seems...when in reality, my mind is racing at 100mph with all the scenarios and possibilities, which then leaves me not wanting to do anything.

I'm sorry that I'm easily defeated.

I take my medicine, and I go to therapy, but sometimes that isn't enough. I'm slowly coming to grips with that.

And as I get older, and the stress weighs down on me even more, it gets harder and harder to get motivated.

It's not that I don't want to see my family and friends; it's that the simple thought of doing something some days is unbearable. Nothing is a small task. And even when I think it may be, I'm pulled over on the side of the highway because my heart is racing and my mind is dizzy. 

I'm sorry that I have panic attacks, with or without triggers, that can be debilitating. 

And I'm sorry that not all of you understand this, but I'm also thankful that you don't have to. Because it's not something I choose to do. It's not something I can just "snap out of". I live with it...everyday. And it gets worse with age, so the battle becomes even harder with time. 

I apologize for being so wishy-washy. I'm in my head so often that I practically live there. Every action has a reaction and it becomes so stressful that I do no action at all. I just...exist. Because one small decision can lead to big changes and that's scary and not always good.

I'm sorry I can't always fake a smile or casual conversation. It can be very hard at times for me to force it when I'm not feeling it. I was always shy but I can admit I used to be much more outgoing. But I've learned through experience that not everyone is on your team and that words can be used against I keep my mouth closed, observe and keep my nose to the grindstone. It's better for me that way. Please don't take it as I don't trust you; but if you invite me to a party, I may not come...because a lot of people ( especially that I don't know ) can be overwhelming and anxiety-causing. I don't want it to be, but these days it is. And I don't want to have to use alcohol or Ativan to make it easier all the time.

I apologize if you think my choices aren't the right ones. But please be aware that any decision I have made came with 54658251 different reasons, examples and emotions behind it. I don't make rash decisions--I dwell on them for months, or years, before actions are taken. Nothing I do is ever taken lightly. Nothing is ever "jump-of-the-gun". 

I'm sorry that things build up inside of me until I just give up. I know that's not a good coping mechanism. But I also know that healthy communication is fairly non-existent anymore. If you feel I "gave up on you", please understand that it was because I didn't't feel like I could talk to you in a healthy, beneficial way and instead of resenting you for things unsaid, I just walked away. It doesn't mean I didn't love or care for you, but I need people in my life who truly care and try to understand.

I am sorry if you feel like I use mental illness as a scapegoat, but I think most people who feel that way are those who don't personally suffer. If you've suffered, you'd understand that I'm not trying to be selfish or lazy. That I am accountable for my actions. But that I can't help my feelings. I can't help my overactive mind. That I'm taking all the "right steps" to try to make myself better, but that I'll never be 100%. 

Lastly, I apologize to anyone who has felt hurt, victimized, angry or saddened by me. I am not a perfect person. I'm probably more imperfect than most. I try to have a good heart; I give more chances even when they aren't deserved, I show empathy and make excuses for bad behavior far longer than I should, I keep my mouth shut when I really should speak up, I make unpopular decisions in my life. But just like everyone else in this world...I'm only trying to find happiness. I just want to be HAPPY. I want to be understood and loved aside from these flaws. I want people in my life who understand that some days, I just need to sit on the couch and not talk to anyone. Or that a raincheck isn't because I don't want to see you, but because it's hard for me to see anyone. To understand that not everything I do is a personal attack or diss. To respect and understand that I'm trying to set healthy boundaries for the first time in my life. 

And for those of you who love me aside-from, thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for supporting me, even when you may not have wanted to. Thank you for not being angry with me when I just...can't. 

You da real MVPs!