Thursday, November 23, 2017


Happy Turkey-Day Y'all!

It's the day we give thanks for our blessings and then die of a food coma for a few hours. It also happens to be my favorite holiday! Can't go wrong with turkey ( dark meat, please! ), mashed potatoes ( um, I'm Irish ) and that motha-fuckin' punkin' pieeeeee! NOMNOMNOM!

On this day, though, we are to be thankful for the good in our lives and not dwell on the bad. Sometimes it's hard to practice that during the rest of the year...or even on just this one day. I know this year has been quite a shitty one: the loss of Nathan's sister, almost $10k spent in vet bills, being rushed to refinance the house, losing Haley, Lola's surgery. I lose site of reality when it feels like the walls are crashing inward. But I like to take this day and reflect on some positives. It also helps that I'm currently reading a book by Daniel Chidiac called Who Says You Can't? You Do that also urges me to see the brighter side and focus less on the negative. 

This book asked me to write what I appreciate down on a piece of paper and recite it for three mornings in a row before continuing on. Well...I haven't been too good about said request. I do have it taped up in my bathroom, though, beside my mirror--so if I DO get ready for work, I can recite them. He asks you to write "inner" appreciations, as well as outer. These are my 10 of each:

As a whole, we are "programmed" to never be satisfied. Whether it is instilled in us or not instilled in us, we all strive to be better or have better. When do we truly sit down and think about what we are thankful for? I think we are too busy comparing ourselves to others and looking at what other people have instead of focusing on the things we ourselves have. I know I'm guilty of it; seeing people with big houses, picture-perfect families, awesome jobs, well educated, constant opportunities, money. But then I have to bring myself back to reality...we ALL have our own personal issues and NO ONE'S life is perfect. 

So to put both my feet back on the ground, I want to write some things that I am truly thankful for ( with specifics, if necessary ):

1. I'm thankful to have mental health services covered on my health insurance. Therapy is something I've felt that I've needed for years but since it's pricey, I never had the opportunity. Working where I do, my sessions are a specialty copay and I can go as often as I want. I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now and I'm very grateful to be able to get myself the help and support that I need.

2. I'm thankful for my health. Although I suffer from mental health issues, which at times can be upsetting, my physical health is good. I've brought up my weight concerns to my doctor and she had no issue with it due to the fact that my blood work is clean. I have no incurable diseases nor due I have anything going on borderline.

3. I'm thankful for a roof over my head, food to eat, heat, central air, hot water and a bed to sleep in. Not everyone has those luxuries, especially these days. I sometimes wish I had this or that or a bigger place or more land and then I realize that what I have is perfect. It's enough. My house ( I can say that now!! ) is the perfect size for 2 people, we own it so we can do whatever we want to it, I can have as many pets as I want, I was able to paint it and decorate any way I wanted and it's *mine*. I may not have "picked it out", but I made it a home and I pay the mortgage on time every month and it's good for US.

4. I'm thankful that I got my shit together when I did and had the sense and ability to maintain a savings account. Of course I always want more, but having that account eased some of the vet bill stress, I'm able to pay my car insurance in full every 6 months, if something goes wrong with my car I have something to fall in to, and I can *finally* take a vacation out of the country. Growing up with little-to-no money and literally working in high school to buy clothes and school lunches, I understand the value of a dollar. Even when I have money, it's important to me to bargain shop and get the most I can from it. You never know what tomorrow can bring, and it's important to me to be prepared for anything.

5. I'm thankful for my good friends and the people I love for loving me in return. I know I can be a handful sometimes and I know that I used to be super overdramatic when I was younger. I know why I was and I'm growing/have grown from that. I've learned to speak less and listen more, and that the world does not revolve around me and my life "coming undone", nor do I need attention like that now that I'm more secure within myself. Everyone has shit. But I've weeded people out of my life that are self-absorbed like that and have no desire to change. The people I have around me now are ones that I truly would do anything for and I know they would do the same. There may not be many, but at my age I'm much more concerned about quality over quantity. 

I spent today with my dad and sister, then we went to Nate's grandma's for dinner with his mom and brother. I ended up making deviled eggs and mini cheesecakes for dad's house. I spent some time with Madilyn and caught up with everyone. My dad is having rotater cuff surgery tomorrow. 

I've decided to start writing down good things that happen to me and putting them in a jar. I saw the idea online and it resonated with me. I feel like 2017 has just been a generally shitty year and I'm hoping 2018 doesn't follow suit, but to even be able to physically SEE blessings on sheets of paper in a jar may invoke some hope. We tend to see the good through all the bad, and having a reminder could be helpful.

Guys, it's super important to try to focus on the positive. I know that it's fucking HARD, but with suffering from anxiety I've realized that when I focus on the bad, it becomes a downward spiral that can last for days. I don't want to be sad and always wanting and pessimistic and being the person to let hateful people get to me--it doesn't make me HAPPY. Happiness starts with you and your mindset.

As I always mantra for life...

Fake it 'til you make it!