"Don't do shit that makes you feel like shit!" - Mr. Black
"Mr. Black" is my friend Anthony, whom I became close to during my brief time living in Seminole, Florida. He is a fellow blogger ( Mr Black Talks ) and he also has his own podcast, in which I listen to regularly.
Well, I was listening to The Love Examiner the other week and the segment was called Tis' The Season To Cuff. I was actually headed to Pittsburgh to see a friend when I was listening to the episode and when it was over, I thought "I need to blog about this"...that beginning QUOTE made me want to blog about this...
Self-care is an essential practice that needs to have more importance in our lives.
Between work, kids, spouses, fitness, friends, family, pets--where do we fit in?
Why do we deem it so important to be busy/with someone all the time?
So let's chat:
Tony talks about "cuffing" which is pretty much locking down a sig other for the holidays. This usually starts right after Halloween and can last until after Valentine's Day. As a society, we feel that we have to have a special someone to avoid awkward dinner conversations about our love lives, third-wheel dates with friends and cold, lonely nights ( at least up here in PA ) Usually it's nothing serious, just someone to bone for the holidays and bring around to functions.
In the same episode, he goes on to discuss a list of things you can do instead of hitting up your booty call. A lot of the things listed could also be considered self-care. We need to learn how to not be lonely while being alone.
We need to learn how to enjoy and lavish in our alone time.
Instead of trying to hit up the opposite sex, you have other options. Tony goes on to read his list from the blog post and these are a few of my favorites:
Go to sleep!
Don't drink, don't think too much...just treat yourself to an early bedtime. Nobody needs to fucking know; it doesn't make you lame. Think of how refreshed you'll feel in the morning!
Learn a new hobby on YouTube
I've learned how to do many things by watching YouTube tutorials, including knitting and crocheting. It's a great way to pass the time, advance your skill set and keep your mind occupied.
Dude, I'm in a relationship and still "Netflix and chill"...but when I N&C, I literally have sweats on, hair pulled up, blankets on with a cup of hot tea and Lola on my lap. Even before Nate, there are nights where I just sat on my couch bundled up and watching Netflix for hours. Some nights you just need to do nothing.
Go to the gym
Exercise not only makes you feel better but ( at least for me ) it redirects my brain. Why not do something productive to pass the time instead of waiting for a man to text you at 2 AM so he can get it in and get out?
I think he lists about 20 more alternatives, so if you'd like to read them all you can find them here.
But the thing that really got to me, and the origin of that quote, was when Tony was discussing going home for the holidays.
Look, not everyone has an awesome family. Sometimes siblings don't get along. Sometimes dad is a fall-down drunk. Sometimes grandma likes to preach the Bible and Aunt Suzy is way too prodding in her questions about your choice to have ( or not have ) children. For people like this, the holidays can be pretty dreaded.
As adults, though, we need to realize that we can make our own choices. We shouldn't have to explain ourselves. We have the option to not do shit that makes us feel like shit. Even if that involves upsetting some people. Why make yourself feel miserable if you don't have to? Why teeter on a mental breakdown if it can be avoided?
Self-care doesn't always involve indulging yourself--it includes doing what's best for your own mental state.
...it includes finding something else better to do than wait for your booty call to hit you back.
...it includes going to Jamaica on Easter because you can.
...it includes saying "no" when you really want to, because you're an adult and you have that option.
...it includes putting yourself first every now and then...