Sunday, October 22, 2017

Can't Take Much More

I'm currently livid. Absolutely irate. One, because the situation at hand is giving me PTSD from a past friendship from years ago and two, because I just can't understand how narcissism and "playing the victim" can give certain people so much fucking undeserved power! 

It's been a rough few weeks. I haven't really been blogging because my mind has been all over the place. 

Haley hasn't really eaten for about 3-4 days and has a vet visit tomorrow. What I assumed was probably Cushing's disease is now exhibiting traits of renal failure. We aren't certain and we will only be able to tell by blood work, but after thousands of dollars this year to save Haley's life and numerous blood panels that came up clean, Nate may be losing his best friend of 13 years. 

But who cares, right?

I don't really talk about it to friends, coworkers or family because...I don't like people to pity me or ( as a grown-ass woman ) sound like I'm playing the "victim" card. But clearly, other people have no issue doing so. And that's why I'm so angry...

Why is it that the most manipulative, malicious, conniving, narcissistic people get everything handed to them on a silver fucking platter?

Maybe I need to surround myself with assholes instead of genuinely good people who get taking for granted and break their necks to cater to the non-deserving simply because they are kind-hearted?

( yes, that was a run-on sentence, because the frustration and anger I feel right now is run-on! )

Why is it that society "rewards" those who are lazy, unreliable, full of excuses, play the "pity card", cry about asinine things, always complain, try to divert the negative attention from themselves by criticizing others, and are just hateful, horrible people? Why do we cater to people like that? 

It's like with welfare. People know how to work the system. And if they are assholes, they will. They will get whatever they can from the government, while those who genuinely need it get nothing because they follow the rules, yet still don't qualify. They have a false sense of being "owed" shit in life, and NO ONE IS OWED ANYTHING IN LIFE!

What an unfair world we live in.

Yes, I know, "life isn't fair". But why can't it be unfair to people who deserve it a little more? Why do we cater to the people who play with other's minds for their own benefit? Why do we just give in to these asshole's demands to "save face" or play savior?

You can't save everyone. And guaranteed, if someone word-vomits their "problems" on a regular basis, THEY are causing their own demise...and they shouldn't have to be saved by someone else.

Look, we all have issues...but it's about what we do about those issues. You can't just cry that you have problems and not do anything actively to fix them. We all have pasts and most of them aren't ideal...but that's NO excuse to be a shitty, horrible, disgusting piece of shit. 

I'm fucking over it.

Medical News Today published an article about narcissistic personality disorder. Read it. It may have you looking at some people a little differently...if you're intelligent enough to see the signs and let yourself believe them!

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141126084350-327533989-narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms

Ever. Single. Point. Here. Is. Relevant. To. The. Situation.    

I've dealt with far too many narcissistic people in my life. And although you can't always avoid them, to know they receive preferential treatment from peers outright disgusts me! All because they are manipulative and play on the kindness of others for their own benefit. 

I try my DAMNEDEST to be a decent fucking human being, and where has that gotten me? Why do I even bother working hard, holding my tongue, helping others when needed, doing for others without being asked, being someone's shoulder to lean on, being reliable and empathetic when only the assholes get handed everything in life?! WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING TO BE A GOOD PERSON WHEN ONLY BAD PEOPLE SEEM TO WIN AT LIFE!?

It angers me to the deepest of my core. It eats away at me to a point where I don't understand why I even bother anymore. Maybe I should just quit my job and move to the farm with Nate. Maybe I should give up my independence and my life and just start over. Because clearly I'm not as important to people as I thought I was...and that's a really shitty way to feel.

...to feel like everything you do to be flexible, understanding, kind and hard-working is all for nothing.  

I wish people would just open their eyes and stop making excuses for horrible behavior. It's not fucking okay!


Evil wins in this world, and unfortunately...I don't have it in me to be so hateful and mean. So where am I to go from here...........?