Monday, October 30, 2017

Behind The Scenes: October Birchbox

I actually seemed to use all of my products BEFORE the end of the month ( for once ) And with two days to spare, here are my reviews for "Behind The Scenes": October's Birchbox...

Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Cream

I was unsure what exactly this product was; a facial cream, a zit repair, iunno. Luckily, if the sample does not really have "instructions", you can view them on the app. They describe this cream as a "complexion cure-all" and I tried it out yesterday before applying my make-up. They tell you to use a dime-sized amount, but I feel like I didn't even need that much. It took a bit to dry before I could apply my BareMinerals, but it was light and smelled nice. Very faint scent but not that gross "unscented" smell. When I woke up this morning I had no new breakouts so all-in-all, I'm pleased with the product.

Eyeko Skinny Liquid Eyeliner

The description states that it's "fadeproof" but I smudged it a few times. Maybe they mean that it stays as intense from application to removal, but I totally messed my eyeliner up when I wore it. Granted, it wasn't a great day and I was a bit emotional/teary-eyed, so it may just have been me. As far as application, though, it goes on bold and simple. I like an eyeliner that I don't have to go over a few times to get it a solid, thick line...and this eyeliner does the trick. One swipe and a straighten-up and I was good to go. Also, the sample is the perfect size to keep the pen stable and to do a good cat-eye.

Lavanila The Healthy Fragrance Pure Vanilla Eau de Parfum

I'm not really a fan of vanilla-scented stuff; candles, perfumes, lotions, etc. I feel like the scent of vanilla is far too strong in products like this--it's a scent that is just very hard to tone down. Although I don't really like the scent, I think anyone who DOES enjoy the scent of vanilla would like this perfume. It's not something I would purchase for myself, though.

OUAI Rose Hair & Body Oil

I actually really like this product. Although I feel like it would be better to have in a spritzer instead of a squeeze, the scent is just enough, it leaves my tattoos looking bright and fresh, and it works well in the hair. I used it one morning to help hold down fly-aways, and then I rubbed the excess on my skin. I really like the mild scent and it dries very quickly. I'm really bad with moisturizing my skin and as I age, I really need to be more on top of it. I wouldn't mind using a body oil like this in my daily regimen

Milk Makeup Highlighter

The only product I DIDN'T use, I'm not much of a cosmetic connoisseur to care about things like highlighter. I don't really know how to use it, I don't truly understand it's purpose and I don't really need it. Although I will say that the "stick" seems to me like it would work better for application purposes, unlike some of the others that were liquids in a tube. I may just give this product to a friend.

As I continue my subscription, I've realized that I think I liked Ipsy better. Although I don't always have a purpose for the bags, I feel like the products were more selected for ME and weren't the same things over and over again. I like make-up samples far more than face creams and hair products for wavy hair ( which I don't even have ) I've even considered stopping with beauty boxes and doing a snack box next time. 

I'm not really sure how many people read this blog to begin with, anyway. But hey, writing helps me decompress so...writing I will do!

Saturday, October 28, 2017

RIP Haley =[

"My boyfriend Nathan and I lost our 12 year old chocolate lab, Haley, on Sunday. She’s been by Nate’s side since she was 8 weeks old and he’s having a really hard time.

This year started off with a false CHF diagnosis, Haley almost suffocating to death in front of me, an ER visit, costly laryngeal paralysis surgery and then...we were fine. But then last week, she started showing signs that seemed like Cushings ( thanks to the Internet ) We took her to the vet, they did X-rays and saw nothing. Since we’d already spent $8900+ in vet bills for the year, we opted out of blood work.
Towards the end of last week, her appetite staggered. She was barely eating, but still pretty lively and drinking. Concerned though, I called on Saturday to set up an appointment for Monday.

On Sunday she wouldn’t eat at all. She was lethargic, still able to move around ( just slowly ), antsy, she vomited water once, cold wet nose, urinating fine with no accidents...but her gums looked slightly jaundice.

When Nate told Haley it was time for bed, he took her to our room, put her in the bed and laid beside her because he knew she wasn’t feeling good. Within 30 seconds she was gone. She died at 9:34 PM.

We had a private cremation the next day. The man who performed the cremation said that in his experience, it sounded like a cyst/tumor metastasized and burst. He confirmed when we picked up her ashes that there was a tumor the size of a softball. Of course, that was no medical diagnosis and I’m unsure of the validity of that.

My dog, Lola, is to me what Haley was to Nate. Lola just turned 10 in June so I can only imagine how he feels losing his best friend. And although I’m mourning for Haley because I loved her too, I’m trying to be there to support Nate because their connection was stronger. But I’m lost. At age 30, I’ve only experienced the death of a pet twice—2 years ago was the first time, and then now. 

I know this is a lot, I’m sorry. I’m so confused and lost as to how to help him mourn/deal/heal. My heart hurts for the loss of Haley and for the pain Nate is going through."

...I've told the story so many times between friends, my therapist and in support groups online that I thought I would just copy/paste what I wrote on Veterinary Wisdom's Facebook group verbatim. It's been a physically and emotionally exhausting week for myself, but is definitely 10x worse for Nate. Haley is to Nate what Lola is to me, and it's a really rough time--trying to grieve, being at a loss, not being certain exactly what took Haley's life--and for me, personally, reliving the horrifying reality of her passing at the foot of the bed while I was half asleep and Nate lay beside her. I keep seeing the terror in Nate's face and hearing it in his voice...recalling him trying to give her CPR...grabbing my stethoscope to make certain I heard no respiration or a heartbeat. Calling Peaceful Pet Passage ( which, once the ache has settled a bit, I will write a blog about how pleased I was by their company ) and taking her in for cremation. My nerves are still shot; my body still jittery.  

Nate and I talked the other day and a little anger arose in his voice, because I don't know how this is for him. I loved Haley, but that was his baby. That was his Lola. I have to be the strong one to support him during this time, because when Lola's time comes, I will need just what he does. But I don't understand the hurt he's feeling. I've only lost one pet before ( Andrew ) and, although I loved him, the connection wasn't like the one I have with Lola. He passed suddenly, without warning. It broke my heart, but it surely wasn't as devastating as this is for him. I'm trying my best to support him, grieve in my own time for Haley and Nathan both, and get through the days without having a mental breakdown.

If anyone who reads this blog has any advice/resources/personal experiences they would like to share, I would greatly appreciate it. It's hard...very hard...and with other stresses in life also going on ( because, yes, life does go on... ) it's a heavy weight to bear. 

And please, keep Nathan in your thoughts and/or prayers for healing and comfort and for the days to becoming easier as we move forward...but never forget...

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Can't Take Much More

I'm currently livid. Absolutely irate. One, because the situation at hand is giving me PTSD from a past friendship from years ago and two, because I just can't understand how narcissism and "playing the victim" can give certain people so much fucking undeserved power! 

It's been a rough few weeks. I haven't really been blogging because my mind has been all over the place. 

Haley hasn't really eaten for about 3-4 days and has a vet visit tomorrow. What I assumed was probably Cushing's disease is now exhibiting traits of renal failure. We aren't certain and we will only be able to tell by blood work, but after thousands of dollars this year to save Haley's life and numerous blood panels that came up clean, Nate may be losing his best friend of 13 years. 

But who cares, right?

I don't really talk about it to friends, coworkers or family because...I don't like people to pity me or ( as a grown-ass woman ) sound like I'm playing the "victim" card. But clearly, other people have no issue doing so. And that's why I'm so angry...

Why is it that the most manipulative, malicious, conniving, narcissistic people get everything handed to them on a silver fucking platter?

Maybe I need to surround myself with assholes instead of genuinely good people who get taking for granted and break their necks to cater to the non-deserving simply because they are kind-hearted?

( yes, that was a run-on sentence, because the frustration and anger I feel right now is run-on! )

Why is it that society "rewards" those who are lazy, unreliable, full of excuses, play the "pity card", cry about asinine things, always complain, try to divert the negative attention from themselves by criticizing others, and are just hateful, horrible people? Why do we cater to people like that? 

It's like with welfare. People know how to work the system. And if they are assholes, they will. They will get whatever they can from the government, while those who genuinely need it get nothing because they follow the rules, yet still don't qualify. They have a false sense of being "owed" shit in life, and NO ONE IS OWED ANYTHING IN LIFE!

What an unfair world we live in.

Yes, I know, "life isn't fair". But why can't it be unfair to people who deserve it a little more? Why do we cater to the people who play with other's minds for their own benefit? Why do we just give in to these asshole's demands to "save face" or play savior?

You can't save everyone. And guaranteed, if someone word-vomits their "problems" on a regular basis, THEY are causing their own demise...and they shouldn't have to be saved by someone else.

Look, we all have issues...but it's about what we do about those issues. You can't just cry that you have problems and not do anything actively to fix them. We all have pasts and most of them aren't ideal...but that's NO excuse to be a shitty, horrible, disgusting piece of shit. 

I'm fucking over it.

Medical News Today published an article about narcissistic personality disorder. Read it. It may have you looking at some people a little differently...if you're intelligent enough to see the signs and let yourself believe them!

Ever. Single. Point. Here. Is. Relevant. To. The. Situation.    

I've dealt with far too many narcissistic people in my life. And although you can't always avoid them, to know they receive preferential treatment from peers outright disgusts me! All because they are manipulative and play on the kindness of others for their own benefit. 

I try my DAMNEDEST to be a decent fucking human being, and where has that gotten me? Why do I even bother working hard, holding my tongue, helping others when needed, doing for others without being asked, being someone's shoulder to lean on, being reliable and empathetic when only the assholes get handed everything in life?! WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING TO BE A GOOD PERSON WHEN ONLY BAD PEOPLE SEEM TO WIN AT LIFE!?

It angers me to the deepest of my core. It eats away at me to a point where I don't understand why I even bother anymore. Maybe I should just quit my job and move to the farm with Nate. Maybe I should give up my independence and my life and just start over. Because clearly I'm not as important to people as I thought I was...and that's a really shitty way to feel. feel like everything you do to be flexible, understanding, kind and hard-working is all for nothing.  

I wish people would just open their eyes and stop making excuses for horrible behavior. It's not fucking okay!

Evil wins in this world, and unfortunately...I don't have it in me to be so hateful and mean. So where am I to go from here...........?

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Belated September Box Review

Welp, late again. 

It's the third day in October and I failed to write my September Birchbox review IN September. 

Ooops...*bad Jenn!*

But hey, late is better than never, amiright?!

amika Un.Done Texture Spray
I used this spray when I curled my hair for a wedding, and it seemed to work pretty well for me. My hair doesn't like to hold curl so I usually have to use a ton of product for it to "stick". By the time we were leaving the reception, I still had some curl to my hair so I guess all-in-all, it was a success. I really love the way the amika products smell, so that's also an advantage.

Daily Concepts Your Facial Micro Scrubber
I seriously LOVE this little dude! I use it in the shower to wash my face daily. It is sensitive on my skin but also definitely makes it feel clean once I'm done using it with one of my numerous Ipsy/Birchbox face washes. LOL. I hang it off of the shower head to dry thoroughly between uses, but I love that this little guy makes a pea-sized amount of product go a long way. I definitely give this scrubber a 5/5!

Arrow Enhance Waterproof Eyeliner + Brightener
I think I only got the brightener half of this duo, which bummed me out a tad. Also, I had issues getting the cap off and took the entire tip of the product off along with it. It's a nice pink color that would be awesome to brighten ones eyes, but I'll be honest...I haven't tried it yet. I was kinda bummed, though, to not get the eyeliner, too.

MAC Cosmetics in Extreme Dimension 3D Black Lash Mascara
This was my choice for this month, mostly because they had a product that I really didn't want so I thought if I chose this, I wouldn't get it ( and I didn't! ) Honestly, until I started writing this, I totally forgot I even got this product! But I tried it this AM to make me look less dead for work, and I really like it. It goes on smooth, not clumpy, and definitely gives me the length and volume. Of course I wouldn't expect much less from a MAC product ( since they are one of the major companies ) But this is my first MAC product that I own and I definitely like it.

Oribe Matte Waves Texture Lotion
So, um, I don't have wavy hair. And even on my profile I state such. So I'm unsure why I keep receiving items for people with wavy hair. In either case, I gave it to my coworker hopefully it's helpful for her. It served no use for me, sadly enough...

The choices for October/the Featured Box weren't anything too impressive to I opted for Birchbox to just surprise me with my 5 items this month. This will be month 7 for this subscription, and I'm already debating on doing a different box next year.

Does anyone have any favorite box subscriptions that they would recommend I check out?