Wednesday, November 16, 2016

noun: "a belief, especially a vague or irrational one"

"No, I don't have feelings 'cuz feelings are gay"--Jon Lajoie

...oh silly man!

Having too many feelings is a downfall these days. Yet, not having feelings is just as bad. We are stuck in an era where you're either seen as desperate or a fuckboi and both are not good attributes to have. So what is the middle ground? IS there a middle ground?

I feel like if you show too much emotion, people look at you like you are asking for too much. Like you expect everyone to change their demeanor and walk on eggshells as to not offend you. But on the other spectrum, if you hide your feelings and try to act strong to avoid being hurt, you're a bitch or an asshole. We, as humans, are not as stable as we'd like to be ( unfortunately )

We all have our baggage. And there is always the nature vs nuture debate on if how we are as a person is determined more by our DNA or our environment. In retrospect, I believe my personality has a lot to do with both

I'm an empath by nature. I used to be far worse; crying over everything, verbally jumping the gun whenever I felt necessary, etc. I don't cry anymore, though. I simply shut down ( which also isn't really healthy... ) I don't trust people with my feelings because they've been used against me before, and very well can be again. But I feel everything. I read people; changes in behavior, reactions to certain things, non-verbal cues. I dig deeper into those reactions more than those that are doing them are probably even thinking about. 

We live in a society where feelings are viewed as weak, and where elders believe that the current generation is just a bunch of sissy-ass whiners. Yet the recent generation feels they need NOT have feelings to prevent pain and sadness. It's a double-edged sword. Do we feel too much, or feel too little...?

And we also still have this macho mindset that men should not share their feelings or they are 'weak'...uh, WHAT?! If you cannot talk about your feelings, how do you expect to have a worthwhile relationship with ANYONE? The key to any healthy relationship is communication...DUH!

I do, however, feel I must keep a lot of my feelings bottled up because of the intro paragraph from this entry: you're either too fragile, or too bitchy. I'm trying to learn how to be somewhat in between. Therapy helps a bit, but not as much as I'd hoped. But even looking at the news lately and how ridiculously distraught young people are by the results of the election; THIS!...THIS is why it makes it so hard to communicate with other people in a healthy manner. Everyone IS so fragile. EVERYONE automatically gets offended. Is it presentation? Is it simply because one doesn't "get their way"? We aren't forming healthy relationships like this people!!! 

All I want is to be respected and feel like I'm valued as a human being. I work hard at everything I do in my life; perfectionist to a fault. But everyone's ideal of "the right way" is different, and that's where communication and understanding need to come into play.

We are all fighting battles that no one knows about ( truly ) and we need to a be kind...