Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Simma. Dahn. Nah.

Life is not a pissing contest, people. You're never going to be truly happy if you live to "keep up with the Jones's"...

People these days base too much of their happiness on impermanent things: weight, looks, money. Do you think if you're 105 lbs that you'll automatically love yourself as a whole? Do you feel if others think you are attractive, that means you are loved? Do you think that if you have the best-of-the-best of everything and brag about expensive things, it will make people want to be your friend?

...that's not true happiness.

I used to think all of these things were the trick to being happy. I thought that if I lost the weight, I'd feel better about myself and, in turn, love myself. But I've lost weight before. And I still felt fat. And unwanted. And unloved. The number on the scale doesn't automatically cause self-love. In most cases, it causes an obsession; the constant need to maintain or even lose more weight because enough is never enough. You don't let yourself enjoy food and, if you do, you chastise yourself for it for days. That's not a way to live. I'm NOT saying 'don't be healthy', though. You should exercise; you should nourish your body. But when you live a life of counting calories...what kind of life is that?

Along with being skinny, the next most "important" thing is being pretty. I feel that beauty is subjective. Most definitely it is. And I also feel that if you are pretty and skinny but are absolutely ugly inside, it negates all of that. These are the girls who obsess over their weight because they feel that that is the only thing that validates them as women...like being "fat" is the worst thing a person can be...*psssh!* I understand that women use makeup as a way of artistic expression and to make themselves feel better about themselves, but when you spend 2 hours in the bathroom applying a face that you could leave on a pillowcase in full, you need to start looking deeper into why you feel you need to obsess over looking "beautiful". Case in point: I have tattoos and piercings...some would deem that "trashy" or "ugly"...but I don't. So I did it. Multiple times. Do I feel like it makes me less attractive?...who fucking cares! You either love me for ALL of me, or you can leave. I've had people who have belittled me in my past--calling me fat, slutty, stupid, etc--all out of their own self-loathing and issues. I'm too old for that shit. Take it or leave it; I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be a better person everyday...and that's REAL beauty. 

Bragging about all the things you have materialistically is asinine. Nobody cares. People either see it as 1) you are trying to prove that you are "better than someone else" 2) you're overcompensating, or 3) you're trying to buy someone's friendship/love. Sure, I like nice things: I work hard to have them, because I didn't grow up having those types of things. I didn't have parents who could afford to spoil me. But I'm still very frugal. I still bargain hunt. I still don't go ape-shit. Money is not something that can't possibly run out. Life is full of twists and turns and anything can happen. The rug can be ripped out from underneath you and then what?? If you validate your life on money and objects, what happens if it all disappears? You must learn to find happiness in experiences. In people. In love. Hobbies. Your job. You boasting to me all of the "things you have" does not impress me: it actually causes me to resent you. Do you think you're better than me? Truly. I told Nate that if I never get another expensive thing in my life, all I want is a nice engagement ring...and that's how it's always been for me. I believe in sentimentality, and I want something that can withstand years of torment because...I don't want an "upgrade" or anything like that in 10 years. The ring that was given to me that day is the one I hope to die with. But I see women who have their husbands "buy up" their engagement rings after 5-10 years and I'm just...I couldn't do that. And what is the point?

I feel like people need to focus more on being good people instead of worrying about having the latest gadgets and looking like a model in a magazine. 

I want to be around people who make me laugh.

Whose smile can brighten my day.

Someone who will text just to make sure I'm okay or to say "hello".

Those who don't put others down to make themselves feel better.

People who take ownership for their actions and know how to say that they are sorry.

I want to be around people who share my interests.

Who respect me, and I respect.

Those who are okay going on a hike instead of going to a 5-star restaurant. 

Those are my people. The low-maintenance, chill, funny, charismatic ones who make my life better just being in it. 

So stop valuing yourself by these three things that can change at any moment. Live a life that if you got fat, had an accident or lost your job...wouldn't cause you to be completely unhappy. I'm not saying that it wouldn't get you down for a while...but if you base your life solely on having one or ALL of these things, that's not truly a valuable life now is it...