Sunday, October 23, 2016

October Glam Bag!

So, although I was kinda bummed to know that I was receiving eyeliner in my October bag after just using points to get an eyeliner, I actually really liked this month's bag!

And look how cute the Halloween-themed bag is!!!


Alright, now on to the reviews:

Ciate London Fierce Flicks Eyeliner in Black
O.M.G. I LOVE this eyeliner!!! I have an eyeliner like this in N.Y.C. brand and it doesn't hold a candle to this. Seriously, this is the best eyeliner I've used to get the "cat-eye" look. It goes on smooth...clean...and DARK. This is the first time I used it and the results were onpoint!:

I need to purchase stock in this eyeliner...

Cosmoholic Liquid Lipstick in Mysterious Mocha
Yeaaaahhhh...I don't like lip color. I'm pale AF and it's very hard to find a color that looks good with my skin tone and fits my personality. I'll admit that I wasn't happy to see this in my bag ( especially since I've said *numerous* times in my quiz that I don't like lipsticks ) BUT!...the color actually doesn't look too bad. When I initially got it, I put it on immediately and Nate even agreed that it wasn't too bad. Will I ever wear it, though?...probably not =(

Lottie London Perfectly Precise Eyeshadow Brush
I got a smudge brush a few months back that was just a miniature version of this one. But I did use this brush with the eyeshadow I got in my bag and, it's a nice little brush. But hey, to me...a brush is a brush is a brush...

theBalm Cosmetics Hot Mama Blush
Now this little square of color is supposed to be a blush/eyeshadow. Well, the hue is a little *meh* for me to use as a blush so I put it on my 'lids...and it was aight. I like browns and such...not a big fan of pink eyeshadow with my skin tone. It's an OK product, I'd say.

pur-lisse Daily Lip Nourisher with Mango and Shea Butters
Yeaaaah...just like with the lip colors, I'm also kinda bad with any type of lip balm, too. It's weird. I guess because I feel like it's going to wear off anyway...I just don't use them much. Now, I don't fully understand the purpose in this "nourisher" other than as a balm, but I guess you are supposed to let it absorb and then use it under lipsticks? It does make my lips feel amazing, but on the other hand I don't usually deal with dry lips unless it's blistering cold outside. 

And my extra...

Be A...Bombshell Eyeliner in Onyx
I liked this stuff until I tried the other one in my bag. Pros: it's fat, it's short and it's easy to hold/guide. Cons: I feel you have to go over the area a few times to get full coverage, if you're not careful your liner will be super-thick ( which I don't necessarily mind because I like mine thick ) 

I would give my bag a 4/5 this month. The bag itself brings it's ratio up, but the fact that I received two lip products was a big no-no for me.

Can't wait to see what November has in store!!

The Psychology of Dreams

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Mostly, they have to do with people from my past. People who are no longer in my life. Situations that went awry. They are not drug-induced. These are not people who are lingering on my mind during waking hours. But somehow, my subconscious is bringing them back to light. Why?

I feel ( as humans ) we strive for perfection. And, although some people can fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants and easily move on from any sort of relationship ( be it romantic or otherwise ), there are still those of us who strive to do whatever imaginable to make something work...whether it be all in vain or not. 

I was one of those people for a very long time.

I feel that the remorse of failed relationships still live with me today.

When I was a teenager, I spent five and a half years fighting for a relationship that, well, wasn't worth it. It was a sham. Cheating and lying from both parties, I still felt somewhat obligated to him: he was my first love, he took my virginity, he was there through so much. He was a constant in my life when there wasn't much constant going on. So, even though deep down I knew that he wasn't my forever, I still stayed. I still fought.


I had a "friendship" with a very toxic person for years, who although somewhat broke me out of my shell...was also a very bad influence and treated me very poorly. I would always validate the reasonings as to why she was so cruel: she was in a physically and verbally abusive relationship, she had horrible self-esteem and a possible eating disorder, she had a screwy family life like I did. But you can only validate your supposed "BFF" calling you a "chubba chubba whale" and a "fucking cunt" over accusations that were almost always false for so long. But I let it happen for years.


...some of us spend our lives trying to fix what is already broken. Broken people, broken situations. Irreversible damage that not even the best Super Glue can put back together. And sometimes, we need to learn to cut our losses and realize a lost cause when we see it...and walk away. For our own health and sanity; just fucking. walk. away. 

This is not you "giving up". This is not something that you should be ashamed of. Looking out for your own well-being and mental health is not selfish...not matter what others may tell you. Being a supposed people pleaser is not a compliment, but a heavy burden to carry. I spent most of my life ( and still somewhat do ) putting other peoples' happiness and comfort above my own. Many nights I cried because I felt hopeless, abandoned and like a complete failure...all due to the fact that I felt I gave so much and it was never reciprocated. 

That can do a lot on one's self-esteem and self-worth.

And then when you're faced with situations that you honestly just have no control over, the devastation can be ten-fold. If someone cheats on you but you love them immensely, what do you do? Do you stay with them, knowing you will never trust them and constantly be on their case? Or do you leave them for your own sanity? 

In "people-pleasing mode", I would literally validate me cheating on someone by seeing it as---"I am unhappy, but I cannot break up with this person and hurt I'm going to find my happy elsewhere" Yeah, that's not healthy. And after having my heart literally ripped from my chest by someone I trusted with all I had, I learned a very hard way that it's better to leave someone heartbroken than to hurt them by sneaking around behind their back. The sting of that still haunts me today, although I wish it wouldn't. And I think part of the reason it does is because of the reality check that it caused me to have. So, in a's a blessing. It made me a stronger person today. It still hurts sometimes, but it was a major turning point in my life. 

Life is full of choices...whether they be something you do for yourself, or that you're forced by someone else to do. 

But I think these dreams still have a lot to do with my self-esteem issues and that deep-seeded feeling of "failure" from my past. That whole, "Well, why wasn't I good enough? What could I have done to make things better? Was I not nice enough/pretty enough/skinny enough/smart enough/funny enough?" New girlfriends/wives and new best friends always seem to be a part of them, too...which only adds to these feelings. And again, these are not things I think about during waking hours...but just lately, I've been having very intense dreams that lead me to believe that I have some rooted issues that I apparently have not fully dealt with.

I also contribute the revelations to therapy. You go in thinking that there isn't that much you aren't aware of in your psyche and then it's like just talking about even unrelated things suddenly opens Pandora's Box. I guess this is something that I should probably bring up to her at my next visit, huh?...=/

Psychology and dream interpretation has always fascinated me...but, of course, it's not so much fun when it's you analyzing yourself, now is it?...ha! 

Oh the curse of self-awareness...!

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

A Fine, Fine Line

It's quite hard NOT to notice how conceited people are in this day and age. Where women pose half-naked and beg for likes. Where men flex their muscles and their high expectations. Where trolls leave anonymous comments and ridicule others behind a computer screen. We live in a world where self-fulfillment is only accomplished by how many *likes* we can receive...and how we can hurt others...

This is the difference between confidence and narcissism.

I see a lot of girls posting regular selfies, but with captions like "Let the haters hate!" and "I'm so f#$*ing hot! Don't you wish you could be me?" This is not confidence. This is being conceited. Confidence should not have to be vocalized. If you are truly confident of yourself, you don't feel the need to express things like that...or belittle others while doing so. 

Self-confidence is important in being a well-rounded adult. It's also something that children should learn at a young age. It's hard to look in magazines and media at all the touched-up models and feel good about your looks. But confidence is not just about your appearance; it's about your way of life. 

It's okay to have a good face day or to be proud of yourself for doing something nice for someone else...but you shouldn't expect praise. If you feel good, awesome!...don't let anyone dull your shine. But if you push your opinion about feeling good, you come off as a little self-absorbed. We all know what you look like...we don't need to see a million selfies with conceited captions. We all know you're a don't have to list all of your volunteering achievements for the world. 

It's an unspoken feeling of personal strength and accomplishment. It's a response to a situation that doesn't sound sassy or obvious.

Me: You look really pretty today.
Then: I know! But I look pretty everyday, duh!

Me: You look really pretty today.
Then: Aww, thanks so much! That's very nice of you to say that.

Even just the way you phrase a response to a compliment or question can deem you one way or the other. 

I know some of you may be saying, "Well, this is just fucking common sense" many people these days actually lack the such? ( A LOT! ) And I feel that some people just don't even care how they come off to others. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be around anyone who thinks that highly of themselves and has the nerve to blatantly vocalize it because it's not a good attribute to have. 

If you're truly pretty, it's not just exterior: it should be interior, also. 

It just baffles me the things I see nowadays. I'm all about "girl power" and feeling good in your own skin, but the way some people must feed off of attention is alarming...and sickening.

Be humble.

Be grateful.

And most of all, be the type of person that you'd want to be friends with.

Confidence is sexy; arrogance is hideous.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Treat Yo' Self 2016

( aka. Mallory Treats Me ) =P

Last Christmas/my 29th birthday, Mallory had talked about taking me to the spa as a gift. Through job changes and personal dilemmas, we never got the chance to do it. That was until this weekend! Treat Yo' Self 2016 commenced!

Mallory came to get me around 11 AM yesterday. From there, we drove to Hershey and found a cute little restaurant called Irv's Pub. We weren't searching for anything specific but I found it by searching my GPS for local spots. This place was adorable! The seating was so cozy and the atmosphere was classy, yet comfortable. The food is a tad on the pricier side ( my toasted everything bagel with salmon, cucumber and cream cheese was to be a nice $13... ) but I definitely recommend trying it. The don't have a very extensive menu but it was definitely a nice find and we both enjoyed it.

On the drive to the restaurant, I made a comment that "the only way this day could be better was if we could play with puppies"...and, wouldn't you know it, there is a pet boutique in Palmyra that also sells puppies! So, we stopped at Little Paws Dog Shop for about an hour after our "brunch" and played with about a dozen puppies! It. Was. AWESOME! 

Once we were done with our "puppy therapy", we were off to The Hotel Hershey to start our overnight spa retreat! We checked in, headed to our room and then immediately made our way to the Chocolate Spa. We were given a tour of the amenities, given a locker and then we robed up and headed to The Quiet Room to wait for Mallory to be taken back for her Deluxe Facial. They had snacks, water, coffee and tea...a balcony and plenty of cozy seating. I had a Hot Stone Massage at 5 PM and it was so fucking amazing...I could've had 827348273847 more! Haha! 

Once we both enjoyed our treatments, we headed to the room to order room service and watched the end of Bride Wars ( just because it was on ) Then we decided to head to the pool/hot tub for a dip. 

After our swim, we went back to the room and popped some bottles!, acted like girls, got tipsy, danced in our underwear and just chatted. It was such a great time!

We slept in this morning and then headed to the Cocoa Diner for some diner grub...our waitress was a.may.zing. After brunch, we then went and checked out the outlets for a bit before heading back home.

It was a fantastic little getaway that I'm so thankful she took me on...something I probably would've never done for myself, so it was definitely a wonderful treat.  Nonstop laughs, goofing off, and relaxation. And plenty of pictures to document! =)

Sunday, October 9, 2016

The Day of Rest ( orrr rants... )

You know what really grinds my gears?...old people that don't know how to use the internet.

Now, don't get me wrong; kudos to grandma for learning how to email and to dad for joining Facebook ( really though, not so much... ) But know that people get paid to teach you how to navigate the World Wide Web, right? Because I don't.

Libraries everywhere have classes to teach older generations how to use a computer. And you know those fancy "handheld computers" called your smartphone?...they work like a computer, too. 

What brings this up is what happened the other day. There was a lady who was apparently added to a LulaRoe Facebook group that I was in that was highly irate because she was in this group and, in turn, receiving dozens of notifications. The consultant didn't add her; probably one of her old-lady friends did. So, she comments in this group for the consultant to "remove her from this group immediately". If she knew how to work "a Facebook", she would understand how to "leave a group" ( click a few buttons and *boom* ) instead of getting shitty with someone who probably didn't even invite the lady in the first place.

When my dad joined Facebook, you have no idea how many asinine questions he had for me. I am not a teacher; I do not have the patience for shit like that. When I'm faced with a situation where I have to train someone in anything, I come off as a bitch because, well, "shouldn't everyone know this already". 

I grew up on technology. My generation can navigate anything on a computer or smartphone with ease. I understand that there is a learning curve for older generations, but use your resources people!

Another thing I've encountered though, is some that are older than me who refuse to use technology. In the era of cell phones and no landlines, or computer data instead of have to kind of learn some basics. Again, there are resources to help you with such things. But if you want to have any front desk or medical job these days, you need to know how to use Microsoft Word and Excel and certain computer programs. And phones--if there is an emergency and I need you, you need to be conscious of where your cell phone is. If you don't pay for a landline and you never pick up your cell phone, it makes you very unattainable. 

So, old people...I'm not saying that you shouldn't "get with the times"...but I am saying that you should take some classes elsewhere and make sure not to ask me any technology questions because I maaaay just flip a lid! Also, don't yell at people simply because you don't know what you're doing...


Saturday, October 8, 2016

To A Tea...

If you read my blog, you already know that I suffer from anxiety. Because of this, I try to limit my caffeine intake to a maximum of a cup of coffee a day or one caffeine free diet soda. If I drink too much caffeine, it doesn't wake me makes me a jittery fucking mess. So, to supplement my desire to drink a ton of coffee, I opt for tea.

If you're not a tea drinker, you probably should be. And I'm not talking about iced tea!...jugs of store bought teas are full of sugars and harmful acids. They eat away the enamel on you teeth and stain them, also. In this instance, I'm talking about hot tea or loose-leaf teas.

There are many benefits to drinking hot tea. For one, tea contains less caffeine than coffee does. You can still have a warm beverage for your winter mornings without sacrificing your sanity for the rest of the day. And many teas taste great with a splash of milk.

Tea also contains antioxidants that help your immune system and your ability to fight off illness. Personally, I enjoy a nice spearmint tea ( which I'm actually drinking now! ) and it helps greatly if I have a sour stomach or simply just a sweet tooth. Tea is great at helping suppress hunger, also. There are many teas out there that boast weight loss "magic" but that's all bullshit...a nice green tea is helpful enough to hold off hunger for a bit.

Another surprising benefit of tea is that it can help to clot the blood. Green tea contains tannic acid which, when used after a tooth extraction, helps to absorb and stop bleeding. I like to make my patients aware of this little tidbit just in case they have heavier bleeding once their lidocaine wears off. 

If you go to any grocery store anymore, there are numerous types and flavors of tea anymore! I LOVE it! I just got this at Walmart the other day:
With a sprinkle of Splenda and a dash of milk, this is YUM! And it helps with my "pumpkin spice coffee" cravings. 

A few other favorites that I recommend:

* Plantation Mint ( a nice spearmint tea )
* Vanilla Chai - this is also great as a "latte"
* Lemon Zest - great for when you're sick
* the loose cinnamon tea from One Good Woman

+++ One Good Woman is a cute little shop located in downtown Camp Hill. A hygienist at my old office used to work their part-time and she would always bring the nicest coffees and teas into work for us girls. They have an amazing hot cinnamon tea there. I posted their link above if you've never been--it's a great place to get quality gifts for special occasions!+++

So if you're trying to be healthier, want to try new things or simply need an alternative to the extra 3 cups of coffee you may drink in a day...give some tea a try! There's a little something for everyone!

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Oh Deer!

Some people shudder at the thought of eating a deer. But why is eating a deer any different than eating a cow, pig or chicken?

Venison was never a staple in my diet. My dad was not a big hunter and the closest I had to "eating deer" growing up was when a buddy of his would make deer jerky or deer sticks. Of course with all of those spices, you can't tell that you're eating a deer. But really, like I said, should it matter?

Now that I date a hunter ( who hunts for sustenance, NOT game ) I've had a chance to eat deer in all different ways. And you know what? It's pretty damn good! And it's good for you. Venison is very lean and cooks just like a turkey ( ground ) or cow ( steak ) and can be used in place of other meats in most ingredients.

I will admit...sometimes it can taste a bit "gamey"...but there are various ways to mask the taste. 

A few ways I've used deer in dishes are:

*venison chili--pretty much just make chili as you normally would but substitute beef with deer

*venison steaks--you can marinade them as you would a beef steak 

*stuffed peppers ( I do my peppers with quinoa instead of rice, and don't use tomato sauce ) 

*cheeseburger/deerburger dip for parties

Also, per, venison meat contains more protein, vitamins and minerals than beef does. So for those of you who are dieting or weight-lifting, deer is a great meat to add to your diet!

Another benefit to eating venison is that you are helping reduce overpopulation in an effective way. When deer over-breed, there is a higher risk for disease. It is also a cheaper way to obtain meat instead of going to your local grocery store and paying an insane amount per pound for meat that you don't know who cut and prepared. 

Nate shot a deer the other night; a nice-sized doe. This is just the backstrap of said deer:

After cutting a few decent-sized steaks for tonight's dinner, he butterflied God-knows-how-much more for freezing. Last time he shot a deer, we ended up with 10 lbs. of ground venison--I still haven't used it all. And you know how much it cost? Nothing. Maybe the price of ammo. A little bit of time. And a skilled hunter. 

Do some research. Find some good recipes. Experiment. And always be willing to try new things: you never know what you may be missing out on! :)

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Simma. Dahn. Nah.

Life is not a pissing contest, people. You're never going to be truly happy if you live to "keep up with the Jones's"...

People these days base too much of their happiness on impermanent things: weight, looks, money. Do you think if you're 105 lbs that you'll automatically love yourself as a whole? Do you feel if others think you are attractive, that means you are loved? Do you think that if you have the best-of-the-best of everything and brag about expensive things, it will make people want to be your friend?

...that's not true happiness.

I used to think all of these things were the trick to being happy. I thought that if I lost the weight, I'd feel better about myself and, in turn, love myself. But I've lost weight before. And I still felt fat. And unwanted. And unloved. The number on the scale doesn't automatically cause self-love. In most cases, it causes an obsession; the constant need to maintain or even lose more weight because enough is never enough. You don't let yourself enjoy food and, if you do, you chastise yourself for it for days. That's not a way to live. I'm NOT saying 'don't be healthy', though. You should exercise; you should nourish your body. But when you live a life of counting calories...what kind of life is that?

Along with being skinny, the next most "important" thing is being pretty. I feel that beauty is subjective. Most definitely it is. And I also feel that if you are pretty and skinny but are absolutely ugly inside, it negates all of that. These are the girls who obsess over their weight because they feel that that is the only thing that validates them as being "fat" is the worst thing a person can be...*psssh!* I understand that women use makeup as a way of artistic expression and to make themselves feel better about themselves, but when you spend 2 hours in the bathroom applying a face that you could leave on a pillowcase in full, you need to start looking deeper into why you feel you need to obsess over looking "beautiful". Case in point: I have tattoos and piercings...some would deem that "trashy" or "ugly"...but I don't. So I did it. Multiple times. Do I feel like it makes me less attractive?...who fucking cares! You either love me for ALL of me, or you can leave. I've had people who have belittled me in my past--calling me fat, slutty, stupid, etc--all out of their own self-loathing and issues. I'm too old for that shit. Take it or leave it; I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be a better person everyday...and that's REAL beauty. 

Bragging about all the things you have materialistically is asinine. Nobody cares. People either see it as 1) you are trying to prove that you are "better than someone else" 2) you're overcompensating, or 3) you're trying to buy someone's friendship/love. Sure, I like nice things: I work hard to have them, because I didn't grow up having those types of things. I didn't have parents who could afford to spoil me. But I'm still very frugal. I still bargain hunt. I still don't go ape-shit. Money is not something that can't possibly run out. Life is full of twists and turns and anything can happen. The rug can be ripped out from underneath you and then what?? If you validate your life on money and objects, what happens if it all disappears? You must learn to find happiness in experiences. In people. In love. Hobbies. Your job. You boasting to me all of the "things you have" does not impress me: it actually causes me to resent you. Do you think you're better than me? Truly. I told Nate that if I never get another expensive thing in my life, all I want is a nice engagement ring...and that's how it's always been for me. I believe in sentimentality, and I want something that can withstand years of torment because...I don't want an "upgrade" or anything like that in 10 years. The ring that was given to me that day is the one I hope to die with. But I see women who have their husbands "buy up" their engagement rings after 5-10 years and I'm just...I couldn't do that. And what is the point?

I feel like people need to focus more on being good people instead of worrying about having the latest gadgets and looking like a model in a magazine. 

I want to be around people who make me laugh.

Whose smile can brighten my day.

Someone who will text just to make sure I'm okay or to say "hello".

Those who don't put others down to make themselves feel better.

People who take ownership for their actions and know how to say that they are sorry.

I want to be around people who share my interests.

Who respect me, and I respect.

Those who are okay going on a hike instead of going to a 5-star restaurant. 

Those are my people. The low-maintenance, chill, funny, charismatic ones who make my life better just being in it. 

So stop valuing yourself by these three things that can change at any moment. Live a life that if you got fat, had an accident or lost your job...wouldn't cause you to be completely unhappy. I'm not saying that it wouldn't get you down for a while...but if you base your life solely on having one or ALL of these things, that's not truly a valuable life now is it...