Verbal and mental abuse are real things. A man doesn't have to physically hit you to have control over you. I don't think many people realize this. If you have to keep things from your significant other, lie, update them 24/7 about your who's/what's/when's/where's...that's a problem. If he searches through your phone, dictates who you can talk to, tells you what to wear, prevents you from living your life, and talks down to you...well, sweetie, that's abuse.
There is a difference between old-school ideals of gender roles and just plainly being submissive. Sure, I'd love to be a stay at home mom and cook and clean and just being a "domestic goddess"...but massaging my man's feet everyday after work, being expected to cook every night, only speaking to my husband and NO other males, and being his "picture perfect wife" is out of the question. Control is not love and expectation is NOT appreciation.
And some women try to validate that this behavior IS love. They try to make excuses for these controlling assholes and say it's because "they care". No. It's not because they care. It's because they see you as a weak woman that they can manipulate. They play you like a puppet while they live another life right under your nose ( or in plain sight, in some situations... ) Men know that women are emotional creatures...love drives a lot of our decisions. Douchebags take that knowledge and use it against us in a way that benefits them but breaks our spirits. And it's time that these women open their eyes and realize they are worth SO. MUCH. MORE.
I know it's easier said than done. I am a victim of emotional abuse. Sometimes mental abuse can hurt more than physical because external bruises fade away but the internal eat away at you. It makes you constantly second-guess yourself and removes all self-esteem. That's why it's so important to me that women realize that just because he doesn't hit you, does NOT mean you're not being abused.
I've seen intelligent women fall victim to this behavior. It breaks my heart. Girls that I know are smart enough to see that this is not okay, but stick around anyway. I wish I could just shake the sense into them; open their eyes so they can SEE what's really going on here.
When a man says, "No one knows how it really is between us because they aren't us" is really saying, "I know this is wrong but people need to mind their business and stay outta my shit".
Ladies, gain the power back in your lives. You don't need a man to complete you or give you purpose. It took me MANY years to realize that, but it's true. And I know it's scary...and no one likes change...but I'm forever thankful for all the "ones that got away" because if they hadn't, I'd be living "miserably ever after"...
DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that women cannot be verbally abusive towards men, also...I just so happened to write about this situation today.