Friday, April 28, 2017

Yup

I'm breaking my cardinal rule...the one thing I never wanted to really discuss here. But I'm so revved up about shit lately that I need an outlet. So in turn, I'm just going to have to be vague in parts. I don't need shit started ( more than it seems to have already ) but I also can't take much more...

I want to say, first and foremost that I LOVE MY JOB! My boss is super awesome, kind, courteous, good at what he does and is super easy to get along with; you don't find that with many doctors. I joke that he's "the easiest going person in the whole office--and he's the boss!" We get along great, he appreciates the work that I do for him, he's fairly easy to please and easy to assist. He trusts and truly cares for all of his employees...something some people can only dream about. Hell!...for our one-year anniversary of opening the office, we closed after lunch and went to race go-karts and he got us Isaac's and sushi for lunch! He pays 100% of our health insurance AND we get profit sharing. I never in a million years would have thought that I'd land such an awesome opportunity with such an awesome guy...but I did. And I count my blessings everyday for it. He's optimistic and always wanting to better himself and those around him. I look forward to joking in surgeries with him and the CRNA.

I also love the patients. You meet all kinds of people from all different walks of life. When I worked in perio, I said my biggest feeling of accomplishment is when I can make a truly terrified patient feel at ease. And it's so true. I feel kindness goes a long way. When you're going to a hospital and you're scared of what's going to happen to you, some of the staff is just so exhausted and overworked that they sometimes treat you like you're just a number. I like patients to know that they are a person; a person I care for and will do my best to ease tensions because...surgery is scary! I remember the first time I went to be sedated for an endoscopy: my 20 year old ass was bawling in that waiting room. Hahaha. No shame! I was a fucking mess. 

Of course you always get a few crazies, but we do even in just daily life...

But what I've found to be my biggest obstacle in office situations is the amount of women who work together. 

Right out of high school I became a Certified Nursing Assistant because it paid well for not having a college education ( and at the time I was just working at Walmart ) I was newly 18 but had good work ethic. Well, with all these senior employees seeing the horrible turnover in the homes, I wasn't given much of a chance before they just assumed I was a "stupid, lazy kid"...that was until one night when it was just myself and another chick and we whipped out rounds like fuuuuuck. When you're young, you seem to have to "prove yourself" to the old-heads. But then when you're with a bunch of other young girls, they get clique-y and you end up having to use a two-assist hoyer-lift on a 450lb. immobile patient all by yourself. I did that shit for a year and was like, "Peace, I'm out!"

My last office was also full of women. I only had an issue with one of the original girls and that was only because she was super religious and she always made snide remarks about my tattoos and piercings. I never said anything rude to her, but I didn't speak to her. Why should I have to entertain her and pretend to like her when I don't? We did speak briefly after she quit and she sent me a very sweet card in the mail saying that it was wrong of her to judge me based on what was on my body ( especially when her daughter started getting into body modification, also ) and we made amends. Are we friends? No. Did I hate her? No. We just weren't compatible and that was OK.

Now I work in this wonderful, busy, state-of-the-art office with yet again...a bunch of women. But this time we have so many strong personalities that I feel at a loss anymore. Don't get it twisted: I don't hate any of them. But it's not like my old office. Aside from bitch-ass Heidy G., I LOVED hanging out with those girls. We would go tubing down the Yellow Breeches in the summertime and drink and fuck around; we would have Tasteful Treasures parties at Roxi's house, we would do dinner with me, Roxi, Neha and Lynne some nights after work, Gary would always have dinner at DaVinci's every Thursday night and anyone could come. I grew a bond with some of these girls. And even though we may have pissed each other off sometimes, we stuck together and really cared about eachother ( or so I thought at the time, at least ) But these girls found me a riot. Roxi was my "mama bird". Lynne candled my ears and we'd play Cards Against Humanity after hours in the break room. I'm not in that type of environment anymore. I'm the "odd one out". And because I don't particularly care for certain people, I'm kind of now a loner. But I'm also at the age where, as long as I'm still professional, I don't feel I have to be anyone's friend if I find them toxic to my own mental health.

I've discussed my issue with my therapist. And about how I don't know how to have healthy boundaries, but I need to learn. I told her that I:
*help out when needed
*answer questions without being a bitch, when asked
*work together when necessary
--but I don't want to be buddy-buddy and don't make chit chat with someone I don't trust/care for. 
She told me that I'm doing exactly as I should be and that you can be professional with someone without having to be their best friend.

Clearly that is not the case, as I've been snapped at half a dozen fucking times within the last few weeks. And I'm tired of it. And I spoke to someone else about the issue and they gave me some useful advice that I cannot seem to facilitate because the snide remarks are said ( very unprofessionally ) in the presence of patients!

Logically speaking, I see there's someone on the schedule for surgery at, say...2:00. Someone puts them in a room because we don't have consults on Friday...so there's an extra room available for the quick checks. But because that someone is who they are, even if you had a quick check you wanted to put in there, you don't say anything to them. BUT GOD FORBID I PUT A FUCKING SURGERY IN AT 2:30 BECAUSE "THAT'S YOUR ROOM", yet you dealt with it for the other girl? Do I treat YOU like that? Do I fly off the handle and get shitty and make rude-ass remarks and bully you where patients can clearly see and hear? No. I fucking don't. When you're doing something in MY room and I need it, I come back from lunch 15 minutes early to get it done as to let you finish what you needed to. I'm professional about it because you're my co-worker...but you are not my friend. And I don't have to be.

As you can probably get from the tone of this post, it was one thing after another. I got my head bitten off by one girl and then another girl snapped at me 2 minutes later ( but it had nothing to do with me; it just kinda added to my already disgruntled mood ) When I came back from my long weekend on Tuesday, people ( I guess ) noticed that I was just kinda quiet and to myself--AND THIS IS WHY. 

Because I don't like drama.
Because I don't like bullies.
Because I'm learning healthy boundaries.
Because I don't feel I need to be friends with everyone anymore.

Your job is where you spend a majority of your life until you're ready to retire. I see it as, I want to work in a nice place but not all the people will be nice...and you just have to deal. But there's NO REASON to purposely try to make another's life miserable simply because they may not like you so much. Everyone is different. And IDGAF if you like me or not, as long as you treat me with respect when in a situation where it's necessary. 

"It's your tone!"

✌✌✌