Wednesday, January 4, 2017

To Be A Lady...

...it fucking sucks sometimes. Once a month, to be exact.


Thanks Eve for eating the GODDAMN APPLE after God told you not to! Now we get to bleed for a week straight, get cramps so bad it feels like our insides are being ripped out and during childbirth, our insides are ripped out. Yeah, thanks a lot...

As women, we have to deal with our monthly "friend", pills to keep us from bearing children at an unwanted point in our lives and the lovely ups-and-downs of PMS. Bloating, cramping, nausea, weight gain, fatigue, moodiness...what a crock of shit!

And THEN, when we finally no longer have to deal with Aunt Flo, we get menopause; that lovely time in our lives where our vajayjay's dry up, we get so hot that we can't sleep and want to pass out, and ( again ) we get moody. 

Let's not even start with pregnancy. Not only does every inch of our bodies stretch and disfigure, but we also have the wonderful task of pushing a small watermelon out of a keyhole. W. T. F. I can't believe women used to do it with NO anesthesia...or that they are crazy enough these days to do without. And men whine for days over a GD paper cut...

The human body is quite amazing when you think about it, but to see ( and personally experience ) all the shit that women have to go through that men have no understanding of...not cool. Yes, "such is life" and all that bullshit, but bleeding consistently out of a hole in my body for 5-7 days a month is not fun. 

They told me when I started taking birth control that the cramps would alleviate. And I won't lie, they have. But the first day every month it's like someone is stabbing me in the abdomen repeatedly with a heated spike. As you can imagine, it's not very comfortable...

Sure, there are things like the shot that will only give you a period quarterly, but then you get the lovely side-affect of weight gain AND never knowing if you're actually skipping your monthly friend because of the hormones OR if you're pregnant. 

They also have SO many "feminine care" options, but they all suck. You either have to stick a condensed piece of cotton up into your vagina, you have to wear a pad that feels like you're in diapers again, or they have these crazy dappen-dish, Frisbee-esque looking doo-dads that like, catch all your gunk and then ( I guess ) you wash it out and put it back in...?! WHO THOUGHT OF THIS?! Who wants to put a cup into themselves?! Weird-ass contraptions...

As you can probably imagine by the topic of this blog, it's "that time of the month", so I found it fitting to rant about it. For reals.