Monday, January 2, 2017

Happy New Year!

Skipping all that "New Year, New Me" bullshit, I look at 2016 and feel like it flew by. Although it wasn't a very exciting year, I feel like I have quite a few things to be thankful for. It was a year that brought new-found strength, some of my lowest lows, self-reflection and change.

I've had the ability to be able to set back a nice-sized nest egg for myself, which I am highly proud of. This has a lot to do with Nathan being so generous when it comes to bills. If not for him, I wouldn't have as much as I do in savings. I learned real quick back in 2006/2007 that you really need to know that you can take care of yourself if need be because anything can happen. After a break up with a POS ex, I really made it a point to set back ANY money I could into a "rainy day fund". Since then, having some kind of savings has helped me in various situations, be in car issues, unplanned bills, vet care, etc. In 2017, I hope to only grow it larger.

I have battled the worse depression I've ever experienced this past year. Stress from the beginning of 2016 made me feel like my antidepressant was no longer working and since then, I've been dealing with the grueling task of trying different medications/dosages to find what works for me. Most times it felt like a lost cause, but lately I think we may have found the right medication to suit my needs. Although I'm still dealing with restless sleep/hot flashes, what I am on now is really helping with my mood.

I started therapy over the summer after an ex-friend's belittling comments made me really re-evaluate the "is it me or them" issue. I've been wanting to start therapy for years now but I never had any mental health coverage with my insurance...until now. Since then, I've been going every 1-2 weeks just to talk out my feelings, try to learn healthy boundaries and to learn not to continue to repeat the same mistakes in life. Some days I feel like it's a waste and it's not helping me, but other times it really does make me look deeper into the reasons why I do/think the way that I do.

I FINALLY left a job that I'd been miserable at for the last 2 of 4 years. It was terrifying...but not as terrifying as the thought of one day being called into the office ( or called on the phone! ) and told that I no longer had a job. It hurt to have to leave; I truly thought my doctor was a good man. Well, I had...until the last 6 months-year. And to hear later that he told others that I "fabricated my reasons for leaving" and that I was a "bitch" were heartbreaking. If I already had a new job lined up, WHY would I lie about my reasons for resigning? I simply could have said, "I just don't want to be here." But luckily, I was fortunate enough to find new employment in April for a wonderful oral surgeon who is not only a very kind man but also spectacular at what he does. I work with an ( almost ) awesome group of people ( hey, not everything is perfect! ) and, although I dread mornings, I never dread coming to the office like I once did. I'm truly blessed to have been hired onto such a great team.

I've been able to purchase some "adult necessities", like a new bed, dresser and a dishwasher. These are things I could NEVER afford on my own before. I've still very thrifty when it comes to shopping, but it's so refreshing to actually be able to afford things when I need them instead of just having to "do without". 

I have groceries in the refrigerator all the time...even if it's not always something I want to eat. 

My dogs, my family and my friends are all healthy. And for the most part, I am, too.

I've had a few fairly successful PetValu events supporting CPAA this year, raising a few hundred dollars. 

So, looking back, 2016 had its ups-and-downs but, all in all, it wasn't too bad. 

I didn't really set up any actual resolutions for 2017, but I do hope to accomplish a few things:

1. I want to really buckle down on better eating habits. I'm not saying "dieting" because I feel like that word only jinxes me; I just want to make better options and really be smart about portion control and dealing with self-control. I don't eat a lot to begin with, I just tend to eat small portions of bad food more often than not. 

2. I want to drag my ass to the gym at LEAST 3-4 times/week. In the winter time, especially with SAD, it sometimes takes everything in me to get myself to work out ( even though I know that it will only make me feel better... ) But that's why I want to go--and NEED to go--because the health benefits mentally are necessary. Working out truly does help alleviate my stress levels and I need to be more conscientious about doing so.

3. I want. To paint. My house. 
It needs done.
The colors are picked out and have been for probably a year now.
No more excuses.

4. I plan to continue therapy and work on myself more. Learn ways to deflate my anxiety and work through my depression. I want to be able to not let the little things get to me so much, learn to take one day at a time, and try to be a little more carefree in general. I'm so tightly wound that sometimes it just does more harm than good.

5. I want to read more.

6. I want to disconnect from electronics more.

7. I want to strengthen my relationships with family and friends and stop making excuses.

8. ...I just want to make 30 my bitch! =P

I feel like these are all attainable goals for 2017. Baby steps and patience are key, but I will try. 

But yep, that's my year in reflection...and my hopes for this year. Anyone have any good "resolutions" for the new year?