Tuesday, July 11, 2017

9 Years Ago...

Searching through my Drafts folder in my oldest email account, I came across two poems I had written...back in 2008! Oh Lordy...

I used to write poetry a lot in high school. I actually still have a shoebox full of poems and a binder with printed versions in plastic sleeves. That was my thing back then: art and poetry. I remember my friends and I would write and then critique each others work. I was actually published in the school art book one year ( I forget what it was called, but I have a copy ) It was to the point where I'd take my writing to my Honors Psych teacher for his opinion. I'd loved it.

Of course, it was mostly about friends and boys; I tried to make things rhyme as much as possible and use big words to sound more sophisticated. When I read back on some of them, all I can do is laugh--like, seriously?! Like reading back through an old diary, it takes you to a time in your life that you've probably long forgotten...and makes you realize how immature you truly were ( even though we thought we knew it all )

So with that, I'm going to share the two I have in my Drafts folder, both dated 6/9/08.


My faith is gone.
I talk to God,
But he’s done listening.
He’s done hearing me cry
Until four in the morning,
Just asking to be happy.
He knows it’s my fault.
And He knows that I’m the only one
With the power to change that fact.
I just don’t know how.

How does anyone know
What they truly want in life?
One minute you think you’ve found it,
Only to get a rude awakening
That everything you ever thought was real
Was just a clever façade:
A love that was masked and never true.

My faith in human kind is gone.
No one is real anymore.
Nothing is real anymore.

I’ve always been the prize to be won.
Always the bridesmaid, NEVER the bride.
Why believe in love,
When no one ever truly loved you?
Why give your heart away,
When you know the next girl will be given more?

One minute you think you want this,
Only to find out you want that.
Maybe I’m never truly satisfied.
Maybe, this is all my fault.
But it doesn’t make the pain any easier
And it doesn’t make me sleep any better at night.

I want to be someone’s one and only.
I want to be someone’s dream come true.
I want to be appreciated and loved,
Admired and adored…

…I want to be his everything…

You Know Who You Are

You hurt me more than any other,
And you did it because you knew you had the power.
You were the one person I would have never assumed
Would be one of those guys to get bored with me
And look for someone else to consume their time.
You chased me for years and then, when you got me,
You threw it all away.
And for that, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive.

I held you in such high regard for so long
And when you did that, my world fell apart.
I’m no angel and I’ve done my share of sinning,
But to me, that was expected…that’s how I was…
That wasn’t you at all.
You let me down on so many levels when I read your writing
On the note she gave me from you,
Saying you’d throw away all those years of wanting me
To pick up and be with her.
My heart tore in two at that very moment.

And you say you have changed; grown and learned.
That something like that would never happen again.
But how do I know?
How do I know anything anymore?
You’re such a good liar when you want to be.
You’ve said so many hurtful things that can never be taken back.

I’m scared to be with you and scared to be without you,
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore…

So go ahead and laugh away...just remember, I was only 21 guys! 😝

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