Sunday, August 7, 2016

Late 20s and Enemies

In your teens and your early 20s, your "enemies" seem to consist of: girls who want your man, girls you don't trust, girls who don't like your friends or girls who used to be your friend but did one of the three aforementioned. Usually the reasoning is stupid and immature.

When you're creeping on 30, if you still have enemies, it usually doesn't so much pertain to those things ( at least I'd hope we've grown up a bit ) And with being a girl who clearly still has enemies and doesn't particularly like a handful of people, I've thought long and hard about the reasons why. I've pretty much chalked it up to 2 reasons girls have enemies in their late 20s. It's either:

The girl had a grudge against you in her early 20s.
The resentment still lingers for something that happened years ago. It could have been something small, something severe or just an assumption. Some girls may not even really remember the actual reason why they do not like you, only the memory that they didn't like you "for a very important reason". For instance, a girl whom I thought was a friend told her boyfriend that she didn't want him talking to me. She didn't tell me this; he did. She apparently told him this months prior, but was still being friendly to my face. When I found out, I simply just parted ways with her. I was like, what the fuck ever and probably bitched it out to a few of my other friends and that was that. But I didn't hate her for it. What I did hate was that after the incident, her and another girl I "thought" was a friend started saying very cruel and hurtful things about me on the internet for all mutual friends to see. They called me names, including "Free Willy", all because I ceased a relationship with them. Clearly, if you don't want me speaking to your boyfriend, you don't want to be my friend either. And no hateful words were exchanged; there was no argument or fight. But they belittled me on a public forum for everyone see with no remorse. I hold grudges against people who say things to make me feel bad about myself. I can't help that. So anyone that I may not "like" at this point in my life probably said or did something to purposely ( or maybe not even intentionally ) affect my self esteem and never showed remorse or gave an apology. If you cannot acknowledge that you hurt another human being, or you don't even care that you did, why should I like you?

The friend turned enemy.
I had a very unhealthy and messy friendship with a girl for years. I guess the proper term would be a "frenemy". We were 2 very different types of people, and within the relationship I felt like I gave a whole hell of a lot and only got put down, bashed and betrayed by her. I could write a book about all the shitty things she said and did to me. She would put me down to others and to my face ( well, via AIM, really... ) She'd call me fat. She'd tell people not to like me. She'd constantly spread lies about me and reveal secrets I entrusted her with. She slept with my ex-boyfriend out of spite. She did this all while she called me her friend. And I put up with it for a long time. I made excuses for her shitty behavior. I apologized for things I shouldn't have had to apologize for. I kissed her ass. I worried so much about trying to keep her as a friend because 1) she knew all of my secrets and I didn't want her telling people ( even though, even as her friend, it never stopped her ) and 2 ) I didn't want her getting other people to hate me. She was one of the cruelest people I've ever had in my life. Finally, I was strong enough to just let the "friendship" fade away. I found a nice lull to try to let it happen so it wouldn't blow up in my face. I don't recall if I received much backlash from her when it happened, but we haven't spoken in years and I feel it best that way. She can never take back the awful things she said and did to me and I will never not resent her for those things. I wouldn't call her an enemy and I do not wish bad things upon her, but if I saw her in public I'd probably just walk passed her. 

A major milestone when it comes to getting older is that it's not so much the word "enemy" that you use. You pretty much just don't care to be around certain people. It doesn't have to be a hateful situation, it's just something along the lines of being uncomfortable and really, just not wanting to fuck with certain people. You did me dirty?...I don't want to be in your presence. Why should I HAVE to be, ya know? And it doesn't even have to be something dirty. I've parted ways with people because I didn't feel like it was a 50/50 relationship. If I have to call/text all the time, always make the decisions, and then I hear that you complain about it? Done. If you are late to everything, don't take into consideration other peoples lives and don't respect me or my time? Done. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who cannot even meet you half way. 

The road bump with getting older though is that, unlike high school, your friends don't have to "hate the same bitches you do"...which can make for very awkward situations in themselves. This is when loyalty and trust come into play. I have mutual friends with people I do not like...logically, I'm old enough to know that it's ridiculous to try to dictate who my friends can be friends with. That's idiotic. I should trust said friend to be loyal to me and to respect me and to not hurt me when being around those types of people. But do you know how awkward and horrible it is to be invited to the same events as people you don't want to be around? To have to swallow it down and deal for the sake of a mutual friend? To lose time with your friend because they already made plans with someone else? To miss out on events simply because you don't want to have to be the bigger person or put yourself in that situation; or feel you need to be fake? Or to be fearful that someone who doesn't like you is going to see you and then later tell all their other friends that "you got fat" or "she looked like slut" or any other demeaning thing they can think of? I know sometimes you wish you could ask someone to not be friends with someone else out of respect for you, but that's not really fair...

Being an adult makes you ( or should make you ) see things a little differently than they may have looked years ago. You use more logic than you do emotion, which can actually cause things to suck even more. But I've learned through having enemies ( either by my choice or theirs ) that some people are just not good people, and others are just not meant to be in your life for long. You grow from people and everyone will eventually show their true colors if you're willing to see them.

Do what's good for you and never settle for ANYTHING less that you deserve, ladies...