Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Champions: A Review


The Champions, directed by Darcy Dennett, is a sort-of "where are they now" documentary about some of the dogs involved in the Michael Vick case from 2007. Now playing on Netflix, it is 1.5 hours long and definitely worth the watch.

The movie follows a handful of Vick dogs including Little Red, Handsome Dan and Cherry and tells how they went from the ring to being loving, loyal family dogs. Their new owners tell of these ex-fighting dog's new lives and how a little love and a bit of work can help mend a truly broken soul.

I learned more about the Vick case than I had known before watching this documentary. Statements that Vick fed the family dogs to the ring, and that he laughed about it. That he participated in the hanging, electrocution and drowning of dogs. His bodyguard, during an interview, stated that, "We don't care about the dogs". Clearly. But they say Vick has changed, and that he's "rehabilitated"....so why is it that people assume dogs cannot be rehabilitated, also? And if human's claim that we can change, how can you tell me that a dog cannot?

Dogs are not born to be mean; it is not "in their blood". Just because a dog is powerful does NOT automatically mean that it's a bad dog. Why are Pitbulls considered fighting dogs? Because they are everywhere. They are easily accessible and they are burly. But these dogs are not born to fight. It's the humans that do that to them. Yet thousands of dogs are euthanized every single day and the owners who fight or neglect or abuse them get a slap on the wrist and maybe a fine or two. How is that logical? When will society stop deeming a living, breathing creature as simply "property"? 

This documentary not only made me smile, it made me cry and it made me angry. I smile because it's wonderful to know that these dogs were not immediately sent to be put down; to know that these dogs went to loving homes where they are treated like family and will be loved until they pass. It made me cry because I cannot believe that these things really do happen in this world and that human's fight innocent animals for entertainment and money. And it makes me angry that BECAUSE said humans are despicable creatures, dogs die every minute. Whether it's by euthanization or execution. And no one seems to care because they are 'pitbulls'.

Dennett's documentary discusses how the pitbull used to be the family pet. It talks of discrimination and legislation that prevents families from having these dogs. Some people can't even get mortgages if they have certain breeds. 

To the people who have something against the bully breeds, I wish they were required to watch this documentary. Maybe it would open some eyes. Yet again, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I've never met a bully I haven't loved. Some are barkers, but they are big-ole blockheads and they are clumsy little buggers. And boy, are they lovers! I don't know how you can't love a pitty. All dogs are unpredictable and you shouldn't deem one breed "bad" and others "good" simply due to size and what HUMAN'S make them do. I wish people would open their eyes.

Jonny
Little Red
Handsome Dan

Out of 5 stars, I give it a 4.8. I definitely think it's worth watching and any dog lover will enjoy the stories of hope and second chances.

Also, if you're interested in possibly fostering or adopting a dog, please contact the Central Pennsylvania Animal Alliance. And if you can't take a dog in, we always need volunteers.


Women, and the Men Who Control Them

I don't understand why some women put up with the things that they do. Sure, 10 years ago I was a stupid, dumb girl who put up with WAY more than I ever should have...but those are things I would REFUSE to deal with at this point in my life. So why do these women still think it's okay?!



Verbal and mental abuse are real things. A man doesn't have to physically hit you to have control over you. I don't think many people realize this. If you have to keep things from your significant other, lie, update them 24/7 about your who's/what's/when's/where's...that's a problem. If he searches through your phone, dictates who you can talk to, tells you what to wear, prevents you from living your life, and talks down to you...well, sweetie, that's abuse. 

There is a difference between old-school ideals of gender roles and just plainly being submissive. Sure, I'd love to be a stay at home mom and cook and clean and just being a "domestic goddess"...but massaging my man's feet everyday after work, being expected to cook every night, only speaking to my husband and NO other males, and being his "picture perfect wife" is out of the question. Control is not love and expectation is NOT appreciation.

And some women try to validate that this behavior IS love. They try to make excuses for these controlling assholes and say it's because "they care". No. It's not because they care. It's because they see you as a weak woman that they can manipulate. They play you like a puppet while they live another life right under your nose ( or in plain sight, in some situations... ) Men know that women are emotional creatures...love drives a lot of our decisions. Douchebags take that knowledge and use it against us in a way that benefits them but breaks our spirits. And it's time that these women open their eyes and realize they are worth SO. MUCH. MORE.

I know it's easier said than done. I am a victim of emotional abuse. Sometimes mental abuse can hurt more than physical because external bruises fade away but the internal eat away at you. It makes you constantly second-guess yourself and removes all self-esteem. That's why it's so important to me that women realize that just because he doesn't hit you, does NOT mean you're not being abused. 

I've seen intelligent women fall victim to this behavior. It breaks my heart. Girls that I know are smart enough to see that this is not okay, but stick around anyway. I wish I could just shake the sense into them; open their eyes so they can SEE what's really going on here. 

When a man says, "No one knows how it really is between us because they aren't us" is really saying, "I know this is wrong but people need to mind their business and stay outta my shit".
Ladies, gain the power back in your lives. You don't need a man to complete you or give you purpose. It took me MANY years to realize that, but it's true. And I know it's scary...and no one likes change...but I'm forever thankful for all the "ones that got away" because if they hadn't, I'd be living "miserably ever after"...

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that women cannot be verbally abusive towards men, also...I just so happened to write about this situation today. 


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

To Breed...or Not to Breed...

I used to be really adamant about having children. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and be in love and have kids and yadda yadda yadda. Even at a young age, I was a hopeless romantic that longed for a fairytale relationship and the white picket fence. But then...I grew up.

I moved out of my house as SOON as I could. I learned real quick the value of a dollar. Rent, utilities, car insurance, gas...the daily expenses of being independent. It's not easy even taking care of yourself sometimes. I didn't really grow up with money, but living on my own gave me a swift kick of reality all up in this life of mine.

Then there's the shitty relationships. SOOOOO many shitty relationships. A girl can only take so much before she becomes jaded to the idea of "true love". And true love is not the "butterflies in the stomach", "can't breath without them", "need to be around them all the time"...that is co-dependence, hunnie. I wasn't about to have kids with just anyone, so luckily I was smart about that. I didn't want a "baby daddy" and I didn't want to have any children out of wedlock. Hence, I never got married...

Anyway, a couple of years ago I randomly met a guy online that, upon chatting, told me he had an accident when he was a teenager that left him infertile...and it made me think: if I fell for someone and he was my *soulmate* ( I say that as least sarcastic as I possibly can ) could I bear never having children if I was at least fulfilled in my relationship? After much thought, I decided that yes...yes I could.

So I thought more and more about this topic. I took into account the economy and how hard it is to survive on one income. How would I successfully be a stay-at-home mom living off my then-husbands salary? He would have to be pretty well-to-do...and I don't tend to date those types. To me, money is power and a lot of men seem to know this and use it to their advantage. Plus, I don't feel right doing what needs done with someone else's money. Also, I like having a job. In the end, it gives me fulfillment. How long would I be able to tolerate staying at home? If I didn't stay at home, though, I'd pretty much be working a job so I can pay the outrageous childcare costs...so someone can watch my child grow up while I work. It's a Catch 22. 

The freedom to sleep in on Saturdays or pick up and go away on a weekend or get so drunk you can't stand are all in the past. You have a little, well, you that you need to care for and who is watching your every move. You have to be there for them and you have to be a good influence. Am I even responsible enough to take care of a little human being? I really don't know. 

I'm not going to lie, my weight is an issue with this too. I'm already fat; 60 pounds of weight to lose. I don't want to add even another 15 to this already-ruined body. My double chin does not need to become a triple with pregnancy weight. And if I work hard to lose the weight, why would I want to gain in all back with pregnancy? I already have stretch marks and saggy skin...and if my boobs get any larger I'm going to have to walk with a walker.

I'm horrible with children. Seriously. Babies I can do, but when kids want me to "play", I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I just float through the motions, but most times I'm just screaming inside. 

I also am worried about my anxiety. I can't take antidepressants while pregnant. And what if I spread those genetics to my child? I don't want to pass such a debilitating disease to my unborn baby. 

...but then there's the experiences I would miss out on. The entire process of growing a human being inside my body. Loving something more than I ever imagined I could. Helping to mold someone into a decent human being. Having someone to take care of me when I'm old and gray. Having a purpose. I don't travel. I'm not adventurous. If I don't have kids, what will I have to do? Work and sleep?...save all my money for nothing? But when I think of THESE things, they sound selfish. They sound like I want kids just to keep myself busy. Usually people think NOT having kids is selfish, but really, look at the world we live in these days? How is this choice NOT selfish? And I'm not saying that's a BAD thing...but it's true: in 2016, it's more selfish to have children than it is to abstain from doing so. 

I'm at the age where I really need to decide what I want to do. As most would say, my "biological clock is ticking" ( I hate that so much... ) The risk for birth defects and autism are much higher the older that I get and I feel like, as a woman pushing 30, I'm rushed into making a decision. I don't think I'd be angry if I ever got pregnant, but at this point it's something I'm not planning on. Having children is an investment...and I'm still on the fence on if it's something I really want to do or not.

I guess I still have some time.



Saturday, May 21, 2016

ANXIETY

If you have an anxiety or depression disorder, you KNOW how horrible it is. If you don't?...well, you may think it's made-up. But for those who struggle with these issues everyday, we know it is far from fabricated...

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was still in high school. I was in class taking a test when all of a sudden this rush of panic came over me and I couldn't breathe. It was an easy test; I knew it was not the stress of the exam. And this had never happened to me before. I felt hot, I was dizzy, my palms were moist, and it felt like my heart was palpitating. I knew I couldn't ask to use the restroom until my test was finished, so I flew through the rest of it and immediately asked to be excused. From there, I paced the halls for what felt like forever trying to feel normal again. It was truly scary. 

From there, it happened quite frequently with no reason or pinpointed trigger. I could be completely fine one minute and then amidst a full-on panic attack the next. I finally told my dad that I needed to go to the doctor. After talking to myself and my father about myself and our family history, they put me on anti-depressants for anxiety.

I'll be the first to say that medications DO help. I strongly feel that anti-depressants can help in certain instances. At first, I didn't deal with a lot of the depression aspect of the disorder, so the meds I were given helped alleviate panic attacks for me. I was grateful for that. But as you age, your chemical make-up changes. Your energy level lowers. I can tell as a 29 year old adult that, medication or not, I do not feel anything like when I was 16...mentally or physically.

And even though I'm on medication to help with the attacks, it doesn't mean I don't deal with anxiety on a daily basis.

You know when you're in bed trying to sleep some nights but your mind wants to replay everything that happened that day? Try dealing with that from the moment you wake up until the moment you crawl into bed. It's absolutely exhausting.

I'm constantly worried. I feel an incessant need for people to like me and I am extremely hard on myself when I feel I've let someone down. I allow people to abuse their relationships with me because I'm too meek to stand up for myself or, in some sick way, feel I deserve it. I'm an introvert that would much prefer to sit at home in my pajamas watching Netflix than to go out and be around large groups of people. I have a constant fear of the rug being pulled from under my feet and being left completely blindsided by a job loss or death or fight with a friend or break up or any other life-altering disaster. And when you have anxiety, it's not something that you can just "turn off"...although, I often wish I could. 

Some may say that this disorder makes me "hard to love". My anxiety tells me that they are probably right. I seem rough around the edges because I guard myself when I'm really just shy. I'm socially awkward because I want so much for people to like me, even though most times I don't like most people. When I'm quiet, people automatically assume I'm mad or in a bad mood...but sometimes, I just like silence. It's an internal battle I deal with every. fucking. day. It's draining.

People who don't have mental health issues don't fully grasp the hold that it has on it's "victims". None of us ASKED to be depressed or anxious; unfortunately genetics just bestowed it upon us to deal with. Sometimes you don't want to get out of bed all day. Sometimes you don't have an appetite, or you have so much of one that you can't seem to suppress. One minute you could be totally excited to go out to dinner with friends but then the next, completely overwhelmed at the thought of having to leave the comfort of your home. I could have plans made a week in advance but when the day approaches, I simply don't have the energy to be "present". Optimism doesn't just happen when you have depression; you really have to work at it.

There's therapy. There's medications. Yoga. Exercise. Diet. So many remedies for these issues. But you cannot fully "cure" this mental state. Fake it til you make it will only work for so long. I have no issues with admitting that I have mental disorders that I struggle with daily and I'm not too proud to admit I need some assistance to help me get through the days. What I do have issues with is that people still think that mental illness is fictional or over-exaggerated, when it is indeed NOT. 



I guess I just wish people were a little more understanding of WHY people are the way that they are instead of just chalking it up to a certain label. I did not ask for this. I do not want this. But I have to live with it, and try to make the best out of it each day I wake up. 


Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Big Bad Bathroom Debate

Seriously, if I hear one more bigoted remark about transgenders in bathrooms, I'm going to flip. a. lid.

I'm sorry America, but you've been sharing a bathroom with the trans community for far longer than this topic has been of mass discussion. And to NOW make it an issue is absolutely absurd.

Look, I've seen some very feminine male-to-female trans and some very masculine females ( and seriously, look online once: it's CRAZY how much can be done medically and cosmetically anymore! ) and, I'm sorry, I don't feel that a man who looks VERY much like a woman is going to be safe going into a "men's room" simply because she was BORN a male. Awha?? Do you know how many backwards, hillbilly, Bible-thumping a-holes are going to use God as an excuse to lay a smack down on someone like that?! Homophobes. Punks. Thugs. Men out to prove something. Plus, how are people going to even know? Are we going to have to start showing our birth certificates before we can use any public restroom?!

I just read an article and partially watched a vlog about a young girl who was verbally accosted in a Walmart bathroom. Apparently, another woman saw her come into the restroom and told her "you don't belong in here". Now this is a GIRL, who was born A. GIRL. but just happened to have a short hair cut. CLEARLY you could tell this girl had breasts. Not implants, but breasts. But this ignorant lady thought that this poor girl was a trans boy. And you know what she did? She made that poor girl feel like shit. She may have held her head high, but it doesn't feel good for a girl to be assumed she's not who she is. So does this mean that this entire uproar is just going to cause more judgment and bullying of the APPROPRIATE sexes, also?! 

Some people are claiming that this is going to assist perverts in being, well, perverted. And to that I say...bad people are bad people and they're going to do whatever the hell they want to no matter the consequence. I don't see HOW segregating people is going to alleviate that. If a guy wants to rape a girl, he's going to do it one way or another...no fucking "bathroom law" is going to change that. You think that same sexual offender wouldn't just sneak in when he knows the coast is clear, hide out in a stall and take his victim...without having to wear a dress? You think it won't be obvious if a fully-bearded biker dude walks into a woman's restroom wearing hot shorts and a spaghetti strap? It's not going to make things any worse or any better. This is just another reason for people to get their panties all in a bunch and just have something else to bitch about.

Society has become a bunch of pussifieded sissy-babies. We are sue-happy ( who the HELL sues Starbucks for putting "too much ice" into an iced drink?! ) Everyone has a negative opinion about everything. You know what?...just mind your own! Why is it that people STILL feel the need to bring others down just to bring themselves up?! WHY do some people have the mentality that they are FAR superior to others? It's sickening. What happened to compassion? Why do we lack it so much? It's unfortunate when you have to search for happy stories amongst all the bad in the world just to slightly restore some faith in humanity.

I say to use the restroom you feel comfortable in. If you feel you were meant to be a female and you were born a boy, you dress and act female and you're minding your own business, piss wherever the hell you want. The same for women. Why should a trans female have to go into a men's room that only contains urinals and use the restroom, while OBVIOUSLY looking like a female? I fear for the safety of people who just want to be WHO THEY ARE. Look at the violence against gays and blacks and animals and anything people see as "not right"...

You may not agree with me, but you don't have to. I'm not telling you that you HAVE to. All I'm saying is that I wish the world was just a LITTLE less judgmental and harsh, and a little more loving and compassionate. Making lakes out of streams. But I guess that's too much to ask, huh...?


Monday, May 16, 2016

Tattoos in the Workplace

I am fortunate...at my last two "big girl jobs", my bosses have not been judgmental or demeaning when it comes to my body art. I have not had to cover up and sweat to death, or hide who I am as a person to appease them.  For that I am grateful. 

I'm still unsure why it is still deemed "unprofessional" to have body art in the year 2016. I think it may have something to do with the current older generation, but in my experience I've had nothing but positive feedback ( thank God ) 

As a dental assistant I'm looked at in a professional manner. I am there to educate, calm and advise patients. I'm not saying that I have a medical doctorate, but I would consider my profession, indeed,  "professional". And I am expected to look a certain way to most.

I didn't immediately start getting tattoos. When I turned 18, the first things I did were:  1 ) I bought a pack of cigarettes legally 2 ) I bought a scratch-off lottery ticket and 3 ) I got my eyebrow pierced ( PS. Stupidest. Idea. Ever. ) My idea as far as tattoos were that I didn't want to immediately start getting ink and instantly regret what I put on my body; with piercings, I could take them out and they would grow shut. With tattoos, they were permanent and then would be on me forever.

My first tattoo was not so much a "tramp stamp" when I first got it. It was in the middle of my back and it reads, "Everything Is Impermanent". It is a quote from one of my favorite books, Tuesdays with Morrie. The entire quote says, "Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent." It pretty much means that nothing lasts forever, which is something I live strongly by. From there, my tattoos evolved.

I have a trio of stars above my right buttock to represent my sisters and I. 

I have a hibiscus on my left hip because it's a flower I've always found beautiful. 

I have a lock by my right collar bone because I've always been obsessed with old-school locks and skeleton keys. Also, it represents the "key to my heart".

I have a bumble bee on my right foot that I designed for a past friend and I as a friendship tattoo. We were out one night and feeling froggy and had an old schoolmate tattoo them on us at 3:00 AM in his bedroom.

I have a duo-heart design and the Beatles quote "All You Need Is Love" tattooed on my left wrist/forearm because I will always be a hopeless romantic. Above it, months later, I had a mechanical heart placed. It represents that the heart is a machine that, no matter how many times it feels like it's broken, will always continue to thrive. 

I have a pin-up tattoo on my right thigh that represents all the things I want in my life; love, money, luck, diamonds. She sits on the world with a banner that displays "I want it all". What girl doesn't want it all?!



I also have a mustache tattoo on my finger that I got because a handful of us girls decided we were going to get this tattoo together. So in a way, it's a special bond. 

Lastly, I have a half-sleeve on my left arm that contains my two favorite flowers: daffodils and roses. I hesitated on getting this tattoo because I didn't want to look 'trashy' in potential wedding photos in the future. But then I thought, "Why is that considered trashy? Why must I lose weight to feel I'm allowed to get a sleeve? Why can't I just do what I please?" And so, I did it. I do not regret it.


So that is my collection of ink. As you see, it's not a small amount. I have VERY visible tattoos. I strongly feel that my image does not dictate my quality of work. But yet, I still feel the need to cover part of my identity for job interviews. Why?

Society still deems tattooed and pierced persons to be a certain way. I don't understand why this is so. How does a tattoo deem me lazy or unsuitable for a professional workplace? I went to a job interview a few months ago and, because my ears are gauged, she would not hire me. She had an issue from the get-go, AT my interview. I should have ceased the conversation from there, but we exchanged awkward silence and 15 more minutes of unnecessary conversation before it ended. We parted on uncomfortable terms and, although we had a working interview in the books, I emailed a day later and politely declined stating that we both feel this is not a good fit for either of us and I wished her the best of luck in her search. How unfortunate that she judged me, unaware of my full potential...

I have been in the dental profession for 4.5 years now. I have YET to have ONE patient complain about the way I look. I have gotten compliments and questions about my tattoos, but NEVER complaints. Old and young, my patients have always seen me as a professional, understanding young woman who cares for the health and well-being of them as people. And everyday I appreciate that. I am truly blessed to have not had to deal with uneducated, judgmental asshats who things I'm some insubordinate delinquent simply because I have tattoos.

I forgot where I was going with this. I am drunk.

...don't judge a book by it's cover.

Thanks.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

FAT Girl Shopping in 2016

I hate clothes shopping. I absolutely despise it. And for a fat girl with an hourglass shape, these tits are the pits...and so are the options.

It seems if you are not under a size 10, your pickins' are slim. Unless, of course, you want to purchase mom jeans and Nautica t-shirts that my grandmother would wear. I'm 29; I'm not about to wear mom clothes ( also because I am in fact NOT a mother ) And the styles today are not flattering to heavy women. 

Now I am jaded. For a long time I was a steady 130 and a size 9/10. I could wear cute clothes; I couldn't AFFORD them but I could fit in them. This was the era where I THOUGHT I was fat. And now, 6 years later, I AM fat.
 *side note: only I am allowed to call myself that-not cruel bitches that feel they need to judge me*
Due to losing a great job to outsourcing, dating an alcoholic that thought a proper date was hanging at the local bar every night, lack of funds and just utter depression, I've been fighting for years to take the 60 pounds off that I have gained since 2010. But weight loss is not a fast process. I've conquered, I've fallen off the wagon, and now I am ( not so happy to say ) 195 pounds of it-is-what-it-is right now. 

So to work with what I got, I have to adapt. And my biggest kickers are the clothes they EXPECT me to wear. I'm not quite plus-sized, but it's hit or miss with XL. I like the looks in the junior section but I fit better in the women. It's a frustrating battle of trying to dress for my current body type, because even with a fitness goal, it is a long process to take off the weight I want to and I can't be running around naked until then. 

I have been to a few clothing stores within the last couple of days and I've come across a few 'WTF's that I'd like to share:

Who the hell thinks it's a good idea, or that a fat girl would WANT, to wear a crop top?!
I'm all about "embracing your body type". If you're happy in your skin, that's awesomesauce. I am not. That should, of course, not hinder anyone else. Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT ME SAYING FAT GIRLS SHOULD NOT WEAR CROP TOPS! But-I AM saying that usually overweight girls, especially teenagers, are insecure about it because society deems it to be "disgusting". Now, I don't think girls should be wearing band tees and baggy pants to hide their bodies, but who wants to accentuate an area of the body that you're not too happy with by wear half of a top?? I'm pushing 30 and I don't want to, fat or not. This crop top fad is aimed pretty much to thin girls and I feel they just make them in larger sizes because "they have to". Well, I for one don't want to purchase any of your fucking crop tops...can you please go back to making longer shirts!?

Pants. Fucking. Suck.
I swear to Allah that no two clothing stores have the same sizes in women's pants. It's infuriating as hell! I could wear a 4 in one brand and a 9 in another when I was younger. WHAT sense does that make? And now that I'm, unfortunately, in the double digits, if a size runs smaller, I have to go even FURTHER up in the size. What woman wants to do that?! I would love for women to have their sizes like men: measurement of hips. Fucking take ONE measurement and you can fit allthepants. But no. You have to go to a store, try on a size you THINK you are and possibly leave in tears because you have to go up 1 to 2 sizes in that brand. It's ridiculous. 

Buying clothing online is a no-no.
Website measurements are bullshit. It is very rare that I order something online and it fits me well. It's either too big/too small/too short. Unless you are buying something that you already have one of in your closet, I suggest you go to the store and try it on. Some materials, cuts and colors are just not your friend, hunnie. 

I love dresses, but...
...I have a hard time finding something flattering. With a short torso, small legs, wide hips and ginormous boobs, dresses are few and far in between. They can fit great in the hips but then are super loose on the girls, and vice versa. Length is always an issue, also, when you're short. You want a dress to be fitted by not SO fitted that people can count your rolls of skin and make a game of it for their table while you're at dinner. You should never look like a sausage in a casing...ever.

So pretty much, it's an endless battle to "dress for your size" when you're fat. It's not fun. I've been fighting the good fight for years and it's not easy. Shopping makes it even harder. You want to look nice but you also don't want to break the bank. And although I don't have too much that I like wearing, I have found a few stores that carry cute, well-fitted merchandise.

1. In New York & Co., I can wear a large top. EGO BOOST. A lot of the tops have nice flow, are a nice length and you can dress them up or down. I've never really shopped here much, but they do have some good sales. There is an outlet at Capital City Mall now.
2. Charlotte Russe is a store that I haven't shopped
 in for years because of their sizes, but I've realized now that they are starting to integrate a small "plus-size" section at the malls in Camp Hill and York. 1x tops are still slightly big on me and some are not-so-flattering, but they are cute. I just bought 2 pairs of shorts there today that I'm very pleased with.
3. Ross Dress for Less is a hit-and-miss for me; I can't really purchase anything in the junior section anymore because an XL there is like a size M. But you really have to pick through the women section because, well, I don't want to wear old lady tops. Sorry, not sorry.

In conclusion ladies, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL...and it's a real pain in the ass. 

PS. I love Victoria's Secret underwear =P

Catch ya on the flip side!


Friday, May 13, 2016

I Got My First IPSY Glam Bag...

For a while now, I've been hearing about these "glam bags" from a company called Ipsy that are becoming quite popular. And I'm not going to lie...even though I was intrigued, at the time I did not have the disposable funds to partake in anything that was going to require a $10/month payment. I guess you can compare it to a magazine subscription, but $12/yr for Cosmo isn't shit compared to the $120/yr for Ipsy ( although, when you pay for a full year upfront, they take off $10... ) ANYWAY...

For anyone who may be living under a rock, Ipsy had this baller idea to have customers pay a monthly fee and they would send out a "bag of the month" that contains 5 products that they think you would enjoy. They base this information off of an introduction survey that you take when you first sign up. This information contains questions about your complexion and eye/hair color, and the type of "look" you aim for when using cosmetics. 

So each month you get a new bag of swag. And us ladies are EATING IT UP! I was unsure if I'd actually like it at first because a ) my make up is fairly simple and 2 ) I know like NOTHING about "how to make up". If you asked me how to contour, I'd look like Bozo the Clown. I just NOW started dabbling with "trying" to pencil my eyebrows, and I'm not even sure I'm doing that right. This was the reason I decided to try this out; since I'm not very versed on specialty make up brands and I'm too scared to try anything too daring ( plus, a "Naked" palette of eyeshadow for $54 is absurd to me... ) So far, I am NOT DISAPPOINTED!



Trissola Chia Smoothing Oil
I've been trying to use oils in my hair for about 6 months now to relieve dryness and help with fly-aways. So far I've only used Moroccan oil. I tried this Smoothing Oil last night after my shower. 
1. It smells ABSOFRUITLY amazeballs!
2. It left NO sticky residue on my hands after applying.
3. I had smooth, frizz-free hair all day.
I really liked this oil and I think I will be purchasing more once this one is used up. 

Vera Mona Eye Smudger Brush
I don't know what to say about this brush. I'm still learning how to use each brush for it's intended purpose and the proper way, but I will say this little brush is super soft and precise.

Aurora Gel Effect Nail Polish
I have yet to try this polish, but a fellow Instagrammer commented saying that she used it yesterday and hasn't yet had a chip. I like the color, but it's slightly...vibrant?...and not something you'd want to wear to a job interview.

Jelly Pong Pong Cosmetics Caribbean Sun Bronzer Duo
I use BareMinerals bronzer because it came with a start up kit that I bought years ago; I have never really worried about trying anything else. I used the lighter color in this duo and it looks GREAT with my skin tone. I actually wore some of it to work today and it lasted ALL DAY! I want to attempt to contour with the bronzer side one of these days, but it will be on a Sunday when I'm watching Netflix and wearing Hello Kitty pajama pants and no one can see me.

IT Cosmetics No-Tug Waterproof Mini Gel Eyeliner
If you know me, you know I. LOVE. EYELINER. I was super psyched to see this in my bag ( I peeked; I previewed my bag early because I was too eager ) This eyeliner is boss. It glides on smoothly and it's dark ( like my soul ) I wore it for the last 2 days and have had awesome results. I like dark eyeliner since my eyes are hidden behind glasses 99% of the time, and this liner looks like a liquid when on, but is a solid roll-up stick. I like it a lot. I forgot I had it on yesterday and rubbed my eye and I didn't even get eyeliner on my finger! THAT is a first.

( here I'm wearing the IT Cosmetics gel liner and the Jelly Pong Pong bronzer )


So ladies, if you're looking to get a little goodie in the mail monthly, have no idea what you're doing when it comes to make up and you want a little help, you simply LIKE make up, or you just wanna spend some money, I highly recommend a subscription with Ipsy. You can pay monthly for as long as you want and cancel anytime! It's a fun little something for yourself and I'm totally glad I tried it...

Try it out for yourself! Just follow this link:



Until next time!